Why Plinko hates you.

the life and times of one jaded motherfucker.

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Uncle Phil

:.News of the World.:
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The Onion

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Penny Arcade


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Woman In the Dark - Dashiell Hammett

:.Last 6 Books.:
The Catcher In the Rye - JD Salinger
Grendel - John Gardner
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Theft - Peter Carey
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:. Bands .:
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Mark Helprin
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The Lord of the Rings
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Tuesday, June 22
Onion says:
But I can get you some Cesium137
Ryan says:
I don't have those kind of facilities
Ryan says:
I don't even know what I would do with that
Onion says:
fool your friends
Onion says:
make some oatmeal and cesium cookies.
Ryan says:
Fool them how?
Ryan says:
what would I fool them into exactly?
Onion says:
Onion says:
getting cancer?
Ryan says:
sounds slow
Onion says:
yes, but revenge is best served cold.
Onion says:
How about a neutron gun?
Ryan says:
I might not live long enough to enjoy it
Ryan says:
ok, now you're just making shit up
Onion says:
nope, sorry... They have Beryllium and alpha-particle emmitters
Ryan says:
Can I blow shit up with it?
Onion says:
Well, kinda
Ryan says:
anything larger than, say, a molecule?
Onion says:
you'd have a better time annihilating DNA strains
Ryan says:
Ryan says:
you got any stuff that doesn't suck?
Onion says:
ok, neutron guns don't suck... you could make a breeder reactor
Onion says:
how about heavy water?
Onion says:
Ryan says:
I don't see how any of this will lead me directly to local - much less world - domination
Onion says:
well, the thermite will let you burn a hole in steel
Ryan says:
after the hole what am I supposed to do?
Ryan says:
I need a super weapon
Ryan says:
a bomb
Ryan says:
or a gun
Ryan says:
or an unstoppable army of flaming ninja robots
Onion says:
well, you pack the thermite around an explosive...
Onion says:
nothing better than flying globs of 4000 degree iron
Ryan says:
I'm looking for evil gadgets more than potentially evil components
Onion says:
How about a maser?
Ryan says:
is that like a laser only it shoots milk instead of light?
Onion says:
Ryan says:
I'll take every one you've got

Sunday, June 20
I am good at cooking a lot of things, I am not afraid to say that. I also am not afraid to say that I am a lousy maker of cakes, either.
In the last four days I have baked two dozen oatmeal cookies, two strawberry-rhubarb pies and an orange layer cake with vanilla frosting. I feel like Donna Reed, only without the fancy pearls.
That, and my cake looks icky.

I found a nice roast pork recipe, it was easy and tasty, even if it did come from Bobby Flay, who sucks. Of course, all you do is roast the pork and brush some molasses and mustard on it, not exactly rocket surgery.

Other than that, I was lazy this weekend, I spent a lot of time in grocery stores, a lot of timer either preparing food or cleaning up the kitchen and that was about it. I guess you could call that relaxing, so I should be ready and raring to go tomorrow for work.

Tuesday, June 15
I know I'm exaggerating, but right now I'm convinced that this is the food story of the year. If anyone is thinking of buying a present for me in, say the next 28 weeks or so, the guy's book wouldn't be a bad idea.

Speaking of food, I baked cookies tonight. Someday I will perfect the oatmeal raisin cookie. Maybe I need to make six or seven batches at a time using different recipes. The sad thing: that actually sounds like a fun day to me …

Sunday, June 13
Today I became a god-parent and I bought a PS2.
I also woke up at 5am and went into work at 7. Shortly, I will work some more.

Work has been stressful for me, mostly because I'm trying to prioritize the fuck-ton of work I have to do. I'm doing my best to not fuck anything up, wish me luck.

I did manage to earn my salary last week. During our negotiations I knocked $78,000 off the aggregate price of about 550,000 garments. I still have 150,000-200,000 left to work on still. I'm hoping to crack 90 large when I get done with the last major group. So, that's way more than two years of my salary, all in one week.
I felt really good about that for about three minutes, then I realized our director is going to kick the shit out of me if I don't get caught up on things. Fortunately, she left for Asia today - chaperoning our poor friend Miss V while she's at it, who did nothing to deserve such shabby treatment.

After the work this morning, I went to my (second-)cousin's baptism, as my siblings and I are filling the role as godparents to the little guy. The new cousin is super-cute, and relatively well-behaved. I have some pictures of me holding him that maybe I'll load up at some point. I'd have to install my camera's software on this PC first, so don't hold your breath.
After that, we had a little party at my (actual) cousin's house where I talked beer and movies with my relatives a little. Mostly I played with my older second-cousin, who is just shy of two years old.

After that was over, I went to Target and bought a PS2. I've been thinking about it for a while, actually. The impetus finally worked today because my parents gave me $300 - to make up for money that they had spent recently on my siblings. My parents, I may have told you, have this odd compulsion to spend money on their adult children evenly. They won't give money to any of us unless they give the same money to the other two. My mother even plans her Christmas shopping so that every year we all receive exactly the same number of and dollar value in Christmas presents.
So, the story is my parents bought new tires for my sister and are paying for my brother's part of his trip to Canada with my dad. So, I get $300 - enough to buy a PS2 and two discount games with about $100 left to go out and get a memory card and maybe have some money on me for a change.

The thing really worth reporting here is that Target was giving away a two speaker-subwoofer set from Altec Lansing with the purchase of a PS2. I was all confused when the clerk grabbed them and rang them up. I was about to protest when I noticed that they were, you know, free. And, since they had the network bundle, I got the PS2, the network adapter, the speaker set and a game (ATV Off-Road Fury 2 - so it's the least-exciting part) for the standard price of a PS2 with a controller.

Yes, I did get a controller with it.
For free.

I forgot to get a memory card, though. So, I'm going to head out to the Mart of Wall soon enough. Damn their all-night hours!

Ok, two things before I go:
1. I am with you on the 3rd of July BS, though I recognize most cities do them on that day that is not yet Independence Day. My theory is that the fireworks happen late. At night. And a lot of people probably have to go to work on July 5, but almost no one does on July 4, or at night on the 3rd. So, if you have the fireworks on July 3, then the people will go to the show and still be well-rested for work two days later. I don't buy it, but I wouldn't be surprised if city leaders from all over did buy it.
2. Loving the phenomenon of pot-stickers as I do, I was curious to try some frozen ones I saw recently at the grocery store from Pagoda. Heed my advice, if you love pot-stickers, avoid them at all costs.
Also, heed my advice to avoid their entirely-done-in-poorly-coded-Flash website. It doesn't really work, anyway.

Wednesday, June 9
So there are a few things I didn't mention yesterday. The fact that I am sunburned was one of them. It's not an interesting story at all, so we'll leave it at that.
Also, I was happy to watch the Lightning win the Stanley Cup Monday night, though of course by winning they upended every bit of conventional wisdom about why the Senators can't win it. We'll see how Bryan Murray fares, won't we.

When I mentioned yesterday that I was working 4-midnight, I neglected to mention that I would also basically be working most of the daytime as well. I have a veritable shit-ton of things to do before I head into work at 3 or 4. Mostly, it's get my product all squared up and all the proper notes taken so I'm ready for the next three negotiation sessions tonight.
In case you're wondering how last night went, outside of a moment of being seriously flustered, it went remarkably well. Apparently I can do the cold confidence pretty well - on the phone at least. I got much better prices than I expected in general, now I hope that it continues tonight.

Tuesday, June 8

Well, tonight we mean it.

Hi. Normally I would be at work, but for the next three days I'll be working from 4 until midnight, negotiating prices on my product for the very first time with our friends in Asia.
I'm somewhat nervous and excited, after all, I have never been much of a shark when it comes to business dealings. Deep inside, I'm always too well aware of the weakness of my position and not willing enough to press my advantages. Of course, up until now, I was never the person controlling the pursestrings. Now, I do.
I'd better do well, or it'll put a serious chink in my plans to take over.

Sunday, June 6
So, it's off to the Zoo in a bit. I haven't been to the MCZoo since I was in middle school. Sadly enough, I think I'm most excited to see the fish.

As long as we're thinking of things to do, I haven't been to the APT in Spring Green for about eight years, either. The J-S did a 25th anniversary story about the theatre in this morning's paper, now I really want to go.

I watched the Missing and Lost in Translation last night. The Missing sucked, Lost in Translation was really good, though now I don't want to go to Asia in December.
Don't worry, it'll pass by the end of the day.

Thursday, June 3
Good evening. Lovely weather we're having.
So nice, I finally decided to pick up my bicycle from the shop and go out to renew my regular rides along the WIOUWASH. Unfortunately, at the shop they hung the rear wheel incorrectly so it rubs against the frame. Something I didn't notice until I had ridden a little while. Now I need to adjust it, and I'm too tired to do it. Maybe tomorrow.

It's back up to full bore at work now, as I've hinted earlier. Next week I'll be working some nights to get on the phone and talk business.

I'm sure my laundry's done, so ta-ta for now.

Wednesday, June 2
Volleyball is hard.

So is working after volleyball.

So, you may or may not know that I am a shiftless no-good slacker whenm it comes to working lately. Rather, that I have been one for weeks.
And now is the part where I have to get my butt in gear and work at night and on the weekends again to get where I need to be. Next week I have to get on the phone and negotiate prices for real and everything. They kind of expect me to be ready with a lot of preparation.

So, guess what I am doing this weekend? No, it won't involve any LAN parties. It will involve a lot of work.

While I will be negotiating next week, I won't get to (have to?) travel to Asia the following week. But some people will. I think I'll be having a dinner party to say bon voyage, keep your eyes and ears open for details. I promise, there will be meat!

I say that, because last you heard I was trying a little of the old vegetarian lifestyle. You might be wondering how that's going. Well, today was the first day of week two and it's fine. I doubt I'm eating significantly better, but let's give it time. I ate a tuna sammich(again) for lunch and pasta for dinner. It's not that bad, really.

I should have rants, but I'm too tired to keep going. Stupid physical exertion!

Tuesday, June 1
Good morning. This was, despite all the rain, a weekend of partying out of doors. It was also an eating out weekend, I'll be writing it all up for the overly curious at Deep-Fried Soup soon enough.
I tried to drink in moderation both Sunday and Monday. I think I was fairly successful in both instances, despite the easy accessibility of Boone's Farm on Sunday (I left as the third bottle was being passed around - this is what 'partying' means in Fond du Lac) and the allure of a bottle of whisky older than some of our friends Monday.
Ok, so now it doesn't sound like much of a feat. Trust me, it was.

I went to the Dane County Farmers Market Saturday. It was raining, rather obvious since rain is now the official normal state of affairs here in WI. Because of the rain, many of the sellers were offering deals to move more food. I feel stupid for not buying some baked goods now. I did buy a lot of salad greens, asparagus, chives and jam - if you were wondering.
I'm thinking next trip in two weeks (from Saturday, silly), plan ahead.
Next Saturday it's the Milwaukee Zoo? Or am I making that up?

Despite the partying, it must have been a relaxing weekend, as well. I did get up at 5 am, thanks in no small part to squawking birds.