Why Plinko hates you.

the life and times of one jaded motherfucker.

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:.Blogs.:
Atom
Auntie
Pyro
Velveteen
Irrelevance
Uncle Phil
Barren
Dusto
Dasco

:.News of the World.:
Washington Post
NY Times
Howard Kurtz
Leonard Pitts
The Onion
ESPN
Hockey

:.On Wisconsin.:
Milwaukee J-S
WSJ
Wheeler Report
Gannett Wisconsin
15%

:.Geekery.:
Penny Arcade
PvP
TBCS
Spidergoat
MFH
Minum


:.Lists.:

:.Current Book.:
Woman In the Dark - Dashiell Hammett

:.Last 6 Books.:
The Catcher In the Rye - JD Salinger
Grendel - John Gardner
Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha - Roddy Doyle
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Theft - Peter Carey
Saturday - Ian McEwan

:. Bands .:
Dismemberment Plan
Jawbreaker
Jets to Brazil
Knapsack
Promise Ring
Descendents


:.Authors.:
Mark Helprin
Kazuo Ishiguro
Wilkie Collins
William Faulkner
Philip K. Dick
Dashiell Hammett


:.Series.:
The Lord of the Rings
J.R.R. Tolkien
Dune
Frank Herbert
Hyperion
Dan Simmons
The Dark Tower
Stephen King

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Tuesday, April 29
 
Thanks to a timely, lucky, shot by Wade Redden, the Senators are up 2-1 and my mood couldn't be brighter.
Well, I'm sure it could be, but I'm not complaining.

The hatchet men were out at work today, but everyone I care about personally was spared. That is to say, I've never met any of the victims.
My job is already beginning to take over my mind. I am having trouble using complicated words and phrases, since I'm keeping to very clear and simple terms with our vendors, who generally do not know English as a first language. Someone smack me if I ever start posting without vowels.
I think I can forget about meeting women at work, since the 'is he gay?' has already started. Weeee. I thought being surrounded by actual gay men would ease that up a bit. I obviously need to start sleeping around with women at work.
I also was given my first special project by a higher-up. I suppose if I fail I will be eviscerated at the next company meeting by the CEO and have my remains tacked to the wall as a warning to all.

I happened upon two great concepts today that made me wish to share something with you.
The first came via Velveteen, who's instructor shared the concept that everyone has 'hot-button' issues - ones that if you bring up, you're liable to get an earful. So, for your convenience, I have a list of some major hot-button issues for myself. Broach these topics near me at your own risk: sports, politics, movies, music, video games, computers, the media, driving, restaurants, work, books, role-playing, women, television, adoption, parenting, men, education, religion and office supplies. Other topics may also elicit angry or otherwise agitated reponses. Results may vary, see store for details.

The second was just a great advertising idea. I'm sure you've seen gender-directed advertising. You know, beer commercials (say, Coors), deodorant commercials (say, Secret). Tonight, while watching hockey, it was pointed out to me that many of the ads were directed at men. Obviously they don't expect a lot of women to be watching, and it was unlikely that we would see any commercials for, say, tampons.
Then, I had an epiphany. Imagine the following commercial:
"Tampax. It's probably what she told you to get."
Or, the more aggressive version:
"Forget what the bitch told you. She's getting Tampax."
I think it would work, don't you?


Monday, April 28
 
Another lovely day, I could get used to this.

It appears that I will get to keep my job for the forseeable future, which is nice. That added to a very nice compliment from my boss and a small victory in maintaining what little dignity I prefer (for how long, nobody knows), made for a good attitude about the working. Now I can turn my worries over to other people's jobs and, well, my other problems.

I vented a little bit today about projects and my attitude about them in general (not any ones specifically).
To recap, for those of you that missed it, I have two times for getting anything done: (1) right now and (2) never. I get impatient quickly with any other option, and so I try to avoid taking leadership in projects, because I know others can't or won't follow this operating procedure.
So, while I might be jumping the gun, I am going to start accumulating and organizing music for the post-soundtrack project. I have to put together six hours worth, so I need suggestions from the faithful. I will try to keep editorializing to a minimum - certainly an important concession on my part. The best, and only, way to make your suggestions is to e-mail me what you wish. I need it in a format of (artist) - (title) - (album), with that last part preferred but unnecessary and possibly unrealistic. I will work my magic in putting it together as quickly as possible.


Sunday, April 27
 
Speaking of movies, I was reading the Reuters weekly box office recap (because 'Identity' was on top for the weekend) and saw this little nugget.

It was followed at No. 10 by "The Real Cancun," a reality film revolving around a group of drunk and horny kids on spring break, with $2.3 million.

And I had just been thinking that those stories really would benefit from a strong injection of criticism of the movies.

The bike is picked up, tires re-inflated, brakes adjusted and gears oiled. That seems like enough work for one day, don't you think?


 
Scary movies! Wooooh, very scary. I just want everyone to know that I nearly wet myself when OP screamed at the first 'scary' moment of the movie.

'Identity' was good, but they give away the trick too early, everything after that was way too campy for me. Not that it wasn't even campier before. . . I guess I like to bitch about things. Would that come as a surprise to you?

I totally reneged on getting outside yesterday. Since I'm not going shopping, I think I'm going to the parents' to fix up the bike and going for a little ride. Let me know if you want to tag along, we could all use some exercise. Or, just I could, I guess.
It's much too nice to sit inside for two days in a row, don't you think?

I expect my teen-ager will be coming home soon from distant lands.

Also, for your reference, the Lakers are down, 2-1 in their series. Crazy SoCal girls and their lack of connection to reality. Of course, they could even it up this afternoon.
But, more importantly, game 2 of the all-important Senators-Flyers series is tonight, and the Sens are actually winning (so far). Hoo-ray!
Okay, enough chitter-chatter, there are things to do!


Saturday, April 26
 
A lovely hockey game, and then drinking to celebrate. Not to celebrate the hockey game (okay, just I was, but no one else), but because Atom and DerK are engaged now.

For posterity, let it be forever remembered that on the day they made the big decision, they posted the following items on their blogs (first the Missus, then DerK):

On an up note, I received two bright and shiny t-shirts in the mail today, both from J List. They both are in Japanese, one says "Dirty American Devil" on orange and the other has a photo of a popular 19th century Japanese author and says "I am a pervert" under it on red. I am very stylish.

Today, I actually heard someone say, "I already boughted one." The person who said it was not a pre-schooler. She was at least 18 and was not, in my opinion, joking.
Someday, I will lose all faith in humanity and these things will no longer faze me.


These sorts of things make me laugh for years, because I am an evil, evil person.

Anyway, you don't come here to hear about other people, or do you?
With a second week of work under my belt I am feeling much more at ease at work. Almost everyone is totally friendly and helpful and despite ominous company e-mails, I am not going to worry.
I am trying very hard to get my financial mess straightened out. After paying bills with little more than smoke and mirrors for the last 11 months, I have a real income again. It's a bit of a struggle to keep the house of cards from falling over before I can get it under control, which I expect to be just a matter of weeks. You can probably guess how upset I would be if I juggled everything for nearly a year and then dropped all the balls a few weeks after finally getting a real job and the ability to take care of everything myself.
Don't take that as a plea for pity or anything, I believe I have lined up all the help I need. I am now just praying that I can make the whole thing go. At several times over the last year I got by with timely injections of funds that made the heretofore impossible, possible. We'll see if I can pull it off one more time. Calling Rolf and collecting some of the money he owes me would be a good start. I'll work on that this coming week.

It's a beautiful day out there, and I have cleaning to do. Go outside (avoid the bears) and enjoy it.


Thursday, April 24
 
I think I'm starting to imitate Invisible Pete in the sleep department. Two hours of sleept this morning for me, and six the night before make for a Zombie-Plinko.

Today was my dad's 54th birthday, he celebrated by driving a minature steamroller around the yard.
If you're lucky, I'll have happy good news within a week or so.

Now it's time for me to get some bed.



 
I can't sleep, again. I figure one of these days I'll just stay up all night and then go to work. With any luck I'll actually fall asleep at a reasonable hour after that.

Since I can't sleep I've decided to entertain you with links to funny science, courtesy the Annals of Improbable Research. I know c0hiba posted one of these maybe a year or two ago, but it will be new to most of you. So, if you want a laugh, give a click. It's much drier than, say, the Onion, but if you ever found thought something funny happened in science class, then you'll love it. If you have a good sense of humor and remember anything about science, you'll probably like it. Other than that, I feel sorry for you.

1. Postal Experiments (pure comedy gold).
2. Feline Reactions to Bearded Men.
3. The Effects of Peanut Butter on the Rotation of the Earth
4. Infectious Diseases in Bricks
5. The Sleep-Retardant Properties of My Ex-Girlfriend

Ahh delightful dork humor. I'm going to go pretend to be asleep again.



Wednesday, April 23
 
Man, I wish I had time to sit around and play Zelda, but the work has intervened and now I just want to read the news and then crawl into bed every night.

I think I spent most of my desire to rant yesterday, so I'll try to keep it short tonight.
Tomorrow I get to attend the first slamming-the-dick-in-a-door meeting. Fortunately, I probably can't be blamed for anything this time, what with the only working there for seven days thing going for me. At least I get a chance to see what's coming up ahead, I guess.

The Stanley Cup Conference Semifinals start tomorrow, with Ottawa-Philadelphia getting underway Friday nite. I will try to secure a viewing location and we can go from there. I will convert the masses to a love of the NHL playoffs, especially now that I can actually watch them myself.


Tuesday, April 22
 
I have a few things to say tonight.

1. Suck it Leafs, suck it hard.
1a. With Colorado and Minnesota headed to overtime, I'm wishing I had cable now.
1c. Colorado loses, looks like Barren picked the right year to switch allegiances.

2. Who the heck abandons a Volvo 240 in the driveway of a vacant lot on a busy street? And why does it bother me so much? Am I the only one that notices it sitting there where Morgan Doors once was?

3. Angel Kuririn is totally convinced that I'm a girl:
Try to change your point of view. You will then have a better idea and clearer concept of your future. Be flexible. There will be many activities, which will make your purse empty.
Lucky Thing: Earring
Lucky Food: Peking Duck


On to more in-depth topics.
I wonder if it's a paranoid fantasy (as opposed to a realistic concern) that all those wacko 'liberal' groups like the Freedom From Religion Foundation and PETA et al are really just a conservative conspiracy. You know, that evil rich folks pay their good-for-nothing kids to advocate batshit-insane things that piss everyone off and get lots of media attention and make people have an unnatural and illogical hatred of all people with left-wing views. You can't expect me to believe anyone actually sits around a table and comes up with the things they do (like 'Hey, let's write a letter to the Wisconsin Department of Transportation and tell them they should take down the memorials to the victims of that terrible car accident last fall because some of them are crosses and we want to show people we're serious about the separation of church and state!') and expects to get anywhere with it.

The only thing they do is give liberalism a terrible reputation.
I suppose the fuddy-duddy conservatives have the whole KKK and people that shoot up abortion clinics sullying their image as well. Maybe it's just the political tactics that have evolved in this nation, it's like the converse of the old celebrity testemonial persuasion technique, where you convince people to join your side by associating the other side with the crazy.
I can just imagine it all starting way back in the 19th Century, some guy running for Senate would send campaign workers ahead of his whistle stop tour and pay the town idiot or drunk 12.5 cents to go around town a hootin' and a hollerin' about the other candidate. Then, when the campaign rolled into town, they could point at Whiskey Bob - who had spent 10.5 of those cents on booze, saving the other two for his kids' college fund, and was telling everyone in town to vote for the other guy - and say 'look, this is the kind of riff-raff that votes Republican!'
And now, it's evolved to those morons being given $5 in gift-certificates at the Magic Spot by the Republican National Committee to protest the war in Iraq while sitting in Opera House Square four days after the war is over to make sure most people in town think people that vote Democrat are not only stinky and kooky, but also totally stupid. It totally could be happening.
And, it would make way more sense.

I have this suspicion about my powers of perception, sometimes that I find difficult to explain. But it's always in my mind and I thought I'd share it with you because I think it would make a nice facet of a character concept if I ever get around to writing that novel or three I've been talking about since I was 12 (okay, I'm kidding about that part).
Anyway, I think that oftentimes when presented with a difficult decision with numerous options, that I always come down to two. One of which is right, in a dead-on uncanny freaking-people-out sort of way. The other is totally and compeletly wrong in a totally stupid and nonsensical way (not something neat like the worst choice, just an indifferent one). The clincher is that I can never tell which one is right and which one is wrong. I know that the several or dozens or millions of other possibilities are not right, but between these two, it's a coin-flip.
It's going into a clothing store with my girlfriend (pretend this is in the past, when girls found me more palatable), who asked to pick out what she likes best out of the whole kit n' caboodle. I would narrow it down to two things, which I could not decide between for the life of me. Invariably, one of them would be the one item out of hundreds that stood out as best, the other the one thing about which she had no feeling whatsoever. Not the worst or most ugly or stupid thing, just the one she didn't care about one way or the other.
I do the same thing all the time making decisions about how and when to do things regarding other people. I, being a person who is extremely self-conscious, oftentimes worry about how people will perceive my actions. Half the time, I can accurately predict how people will react. The other half, I'm so off base they wonder if I've recently received a head injury. So for me, when I'm thinking of ways to impress my dinner guests or make friendly with the cute girl at work, whatever I choose it has a fifty percent chance of being either winningly perfect or pointlessly stupid, and I just can't tell which one is the right one beforehand. It makes me feel very dumb when I'm wrong, but pretty smart when I'm right. Of course, I could be just making the whole thing up.


Back to thing about which you might care:
The job is going well, if a little overwhelming, in case you're wondering. I have not decided for sure if I will mention my goal of passing the Bonnie Point by Friday to my boss.
The people upstairs seem to think it's a great idea to turn up the volume really really really loud on their TV and start watching movies with lots of explosions every night around 11 pm or 1 am. This drives me crazy.
I think my teen-ager disappeared. Maybe he's at one of them MTV party things in Florida rubbing elbows with the cute college girls in bikinis. That, or he's hanging out with some geeks playing video games or prancing about in capes all week. We'll call it one of my 50-50 guesses.


Monday, April 21
 
Cold and rainy again. Blech.

I was just complaining that I don't have enough projects, that I need a creative outlet. Of course, I have the soundtrack, (one song left) the soundtrack liner design (need art first, slacker), the Gamer site (if that ever gets started) and my regular Friday cooking ventures. Obviously that is not enough for yours truly.

I am going to run out and watch some hockey. Maybe I'll pick this thought up again later.


Sunday, April 20
 
It's Easter. My mom didn't get any of the kids candy this year because dad said we were too old. Now, that means I don't have any candy because I don't buy any, usually my mother gives us too much. So, after dinner I'm going to the grocery store and getting some. I don't want candy, I need candy.

My business is mostly settled at the magazine, and as long as the Senators are on layoff I have nothing to be upset about. I'm jealous that someone's going to the Wild game Monday, and I'm hopeful that Philadelphia will eliminate Toronto tomorrow. Speaking of the Sens, Marty Havlat loves '24' - it's his favorite show, so he scores some points.

Since we're mostly 80s geeks around here, and with dancing on our minds, I thought I'd make mention of an unusually funny PvP strip. Ooops, the ham is being carved, so it's time to be sociable with the family. Later, lamers!


Friday, April 18
 
What can I say, I am like a ninja, slipping in undetected and stealing good ideas before flipping out and killing an entire town.

I can do my little dance now, because my beloved Senators won their fourth-straight game over the Islanders and will move on to round 2 of the playoffs.

I have completed a four-day week of work now (let's hear it for holidays!) and I am finally starting to understand my job a little bit. With any luck, I'll pass the Bonnie point by next Friday. After that, I don't even know what my goals are supposed to be, though I will feel fairly safe once I am not the most useless person in the department.
To celebrate, I will be sleeping in tomorrow, taking care of a thing or two for the magazine, and then making a very large stew.

I'm sorry to say that I am too tired to have any rants or witty observations about the world for your amusement. Velveteen is already convinced some guy at work was flirting with me. That should tide you over until I can entertain you under my own power, perhaps at some point tomorrow.


Wednesday, April 16
 
Man, all this getting up at 7 is starting to catch up to me.
I guess I am lucky, since I only have a four-day week at least.

You can feel free to not read yesterday's post if you're not into the whole being offended thing, by the way. To distract you, I'll post my list as it stands, in ever so-short alphabetical order, you can even see pictures by clicking. I am so helpful! Now I just need to find that perfect fifth, and I'll be ready to date again, confident that I could safely mess around with any of these women and be guilt free in that unlikely event.

1. Alexis Bledel
2. Gwenyth Paltrow
3. Liz Phair
4. Fernanda Martinelli

Now I can look forward to watching my team take a 3-1 lead tonight. Hoo-ray! I should call Mrs. Jones and see if she is still hott for the Russian rookie hockey players, lest I be forced to travel to the parents' home to watch!


Tuesday, April 15
 
My Kururin horoscope for the week:
You will have an energetic week and you can win over all your competitors.
Anything is possible for you.
You can be luckier if you keep on trying new challenges.

Lucky Number: 6
Lucky Activity: Online Shopping


It doesn't get much better than that, really, don't you think?
A little issue of semantics for you. If I am Steph's bitch, what does that make her to me? Master doesn't quite work, nor does bitchee. Anyway, I just thought I'd point out her horoscope, too:

This will be a very busy week.
You should make plans before doing anything.
Your mentor's experience and advice can help you solve your problem.


It also says she should buy me three lottery tickets.

I'm sorry I didn't try to convert Mrs. Jones to the hockey cult faster. The next game's Wednesday, if you want to watch them together.

I've been fighting the urge for several days to chime in on the whole 'finding someone who's not dumb' idea for days. I'm going to stick to that, but some things I've observed recently made it an excellent introduction to something that's been bothering me lately about people in general. Be forewarned, e./n. rant to follow. If you hate that sort of thing (or just hate it when I do it), do yourself a favor and stop reading.

I hate people that allow their 'issues' to get the best of them. I hate it when people forget that they live in a world with other people, each of whom deserves as much basic respect as any other (as for me respecting them personally is another matter, I know for a fact most people are total go-tards and I'm sticking to it). Now, I mean something totally different by this than what I expect most of you are thinking.
This branches off the whole 'boys/girls are dumb/crazy the trick is to find one whos stupidity/craziness you find endearing.' You see, I am of a mind that people are flawed and that people's perception of said flaws will vary to great degrees. Yes, we are all flawed people, but what comes first is discovering that fact for yourself - discovering it about yourself.
The easiest way to lose all standing in my eyes is to display a lack of self-awareness, a lack of irony (in the traditional Greek sense of being knowledgeable about one's place and surroundings). A wonderful teacher friend of mine once described her middle-school students has having a world that was 'six inches around them.' That, to me, is immaturity at it's most basic, an inability (or a refusal) to look beyond one's self. I see it every day in adults, at work (though not as much yet as you might think) out in public and among people I know. We all slip sometimes, misplace priorities, get too selfish, miscalculate how other people might think or feel or react and of course that's okay to make mistakes. But for many people it's a chronic issue.
It makes little difference to me if you refuse to notice or acknowledge your own flaws or if you are so foolish or egotistical as to not know you have them. In either case you are either an asshole or you at least regularly act like one. Even worse are people who seem to wear them as a badge of honor, treating everyone around them like crap, being habitually creepy or refusing to acknowledge that their stubborn/whiny/crabby/anal nature frustrates all the people around you, even your friends.
And there are no excuses about having issues, about being the person you are. If you want to stop, you will (short of some kind of chemical imbalance, which you should then at least have to common courtesy to get treated and then try to minimize). It's that simple. To use myself as an example (keep the comments to yourself, wiseguy), I know that I am picky and whiny when it comes to eating. So, instead of whining about it, I let other people decide, rather than whine about where other people want to eat, then I either go along and keep my mouth shut, or I decline and let it go without bitching. I might tease, and I'll certainly complain if the service is noticably bad, but I do my darndest to let things go because I know no one wants to hear it. Do the world a favor, and try letting it go. You'll be happy you did.
Don't take any of this personally, as most real assholes would never recognize themselves here, so if you're worried that I'm talking about you, odds are you're the kind of person who has it in check most of the time so I probably don't mean you (if that makes sense). But think on it, next time someone is acting like a total jerk, ignore them, but take it as a lesson to yourself: don't repeat their mistakes.


I'll say this much, as an adult I've been with seven girls for some length of time or another and every one of them was an incredibly wonderful person. Because of that the dumb concept mentioned before the rant above is rejected on the grounds of excessive cynicism. That's right, I, Plinko, the most-jaded, he of the blackest vile heart, deems this policy too cynical for him to condone.
People are all deeply flawed, but even I can't accept that it's the first thing to think about for everyone. I believe wholeheartedy that the flaws are distributed more or less randomly. You need to weed out and avoid the worst ones, tolerate the mediocre, keep close to the good and love the best ones. Of course, perceptions can and will vary, but doesn't that make all the world more interesting? I certainly hope so.

Now, go about your daily business. I know I reneged on my promise not to comment. I am a damn dirty liar and I am doing my best to keep the lies to a minimum.


Monday, April 14
 
Thank goodness for Todd White.
I was very testy all throughout the evening because the Sens played like crap, but White stuffed a redirected Magnus Arvedson shot through the legs of Islanders goalie Garth Snow to give my beloved team a 3-2 win in double overtime. Now my mood has vastly improved.
Game 4 is Wednesday night in New York, so expect a late Plinko to any social activities planned for the evening.

For those of you interested in how my first day of the new job went, tired does pretty well sum it up. I was awash in information that I was certainly not ready to absorb. So it is with such a total career change, I have very little basis to learn my new job, everything's new to me. Of course, thanks to some on-the-sly training I actually undertsood twice as much as I would have otherwise. Maybe tomorrow I will actually produce something, even if I create as much extra work for Steph as I accomplish myself.

I finagled an advance copy of Liz Phair's upcoming album, and it's pretty good. It's a little radio-ready for my taste, but she's just so damn cool I have to keep listening and loving it anyway. She makes four people on my list, which means I only need one more, and two of them I have not yet mentioned. Maybe I'll work on that, maybe I won't. It's not as if I have any need for a list at the moment.

So, that is the state of things.



 
Work makes me tired.

I started a new blog, for the express purpose of posting funny/silly MSN conversations. They take up too much space in the regular blog. I want other people to post them as well, so if you want to be able to post to it, e-mail me and I'll add you to the list.

Okay, the third period of the Sens game is starting. I have to go watch.


 
So, its nigh one o'clock in the am. I start a new job in 7 hours, and I have not gotten a whiff of tiredness yet. I knew sleeping in until 9:30 was a bad idea this morning. Of course, I got myself all riled up a little while ago because I realized that I forgot to pick up the shirt I had planned on wearing to work today from my parents' home.
Naturally, instead of picking out a different outfit, I drove over there, ironed the shirt and brought it back home. Then I stared at it for a while and wondered if it was too casual for my first day. Maybe 'casual' isn't the right word — it makes me feel like I'm on vacation somewhere warm and beach-oriented. Not in a gaudy Hawaiian shirt way, more of a breezy linen Banana Republic kind of way, which will make sense to you if you see me in it, I hope. In the end I decided to stick with plan 'A'. Now I'm starting to relax a little. Perhaps precious sleep will grace my unworthy self any moment now.
And I finally chose a pair of socks, in case you're wondering.
(At least I refrained from picking clothes for the rest of the week.)

I also barely made progress on my story, which I promised to finish like a ho-jillion days ago. Maybe tonight, as I enjoy game 3 of the Senators-Islanders series from the comfort of the Buck Estate it will be wrapped up.

I am totally buying the new Zelda game for the GameCube, then hoping the lil' Zebby is gone a lot, so I can purloin his 'Cube to enjoy it.
Okay, seriously, I will only borrow it, not purloin (which is fancy English major talk for borrowing without permission).


Sunday, April 13
 
Sorry about the skipping a few days part. I wish it were due to the incredible, edible mass of activities I had going on lately. The truth is exactly the opposite.
The weather has been lovely, but I haven't been able to make up enough excuses to go outside for more than a few minutes.

My beloved Senators redeemed themselves yesterday, and that alone would have made it a good day. I did make a nice dinner for Mrs. Jones and then had a little of the drinking at Denny's East End.
Of course, since I slacked all day yesterday, I have one last load of work to take care of for the magazine before I start life anew working with children's clothing, tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I sincerely apologize to anyone and everyone who thinks I've been uncommunicative over the last, say, two or three months. I basically put my life on hold as much as possible until I started a new job. And tomorrow is that day. Not that I mean that suddenly I'll start being distincly cooler after I start the new job, just that I have put everything possible on the back burner, figuring it was better to wait until fruitful employment came my way. A close friend of mine once asked me if I ever felt like I was just waiting for my life to start, and I agreed with her. I think I've been putting everything on the idea of a new job for a long, long time now. I no longer have any excuses. It might take me a while to get up to speed, but now you can really think I'm a jerk if I don't call or write or hang out as much as I should.

Great job, bucko, like they needed more excuse to think you're a jerk …


Thursday, April 10
 
Okay, I am a retard, because In English played a show in Milwaukee on Tuesday night. Sure, I had a Girlmore Girls repeat to watch and there was a brand-new very-special episode of '24' on, but I'm guessing it would have been worth it to hit Milwaukee and back when I had not much better to do and see them for $6. I can forfeit my coolness card now, not that I had any credit left on it, anyway.

Speaking of anyways, I did my taxes today. The TurboTax is a mite confusing, because it calculates all sorts of crazy stuff for you, and I'm always wondering where it makes that stuff up from. Since I made almost no money, I'm going to hope that it was either right, or that they won't notice if I was wrong. Those both seem more than likely to me. But I'm sure it seems especially fishy since I'm paying in $4 to the feds but extorting $976 from Gov. Jim, on $15k in income.

I'm just going to stare at that income number again. I made only fifteen-thousand dollars last year. I would have made more than that working full-time at McDonalds. Now you know why I needed the real job to come through. But, with that ig-normous tax refund, plus possible extra income from Rolf and the loving parents, I will probably be in decent financial shape even faster than I planned. Well, if you can call it that.

I feel like interest in the soundtrack has waned. I still need some people to get off their proverbial duffs and pick songs. (Okay, really just Shirley, Mother and Invisible Pete), and for a second there I thought someone was going to get the photography started. I knew it was all lies all along.


 
What to talk about?

I am hyper-anxious to start my new job, but I am also nervous that I haven't wrapped up everything there is to do at the magazine.
There is good news on the magazine front, several new advertisters committed, now we'll see if Rolf can keep putting a nice-looking product together.
I was totally disappointed in my beloved Senators play last night. And now I have to grumble about it until Saturday, when they'll have a chance for some redemption.
The new Tumbleweed was rather disappointing. I'd rather pay less to get better food and service at Durangos, Marios or Garibaldis. And that jackalope was totally staring at me the whole time.
I have to retake my drug test this afternoon. Apparently, you can't drink two glasses of water the same day as your test, because then things will be 'too diluted.' Thanks for the warning, chump-os.

That is all I have for today, at least so far.


Tuesday, April 8
 
If there's one thing I've been accomplishing during my slack week, it's been doodling. I don't think I've drawn this much since college. I almost feel creative and special, but I'm not dumb enough to believe it.
Anyway, for some reason I thought of Jim's Journal tonight and spent a few minutes perusing the Intarweb to see what I could find. Behold! I bring you a site with plenty of fine information and more than a few strips, for your edumacation.
I loved Jim's Journal very dearly, but it wasn't exactly a high-profile project, though if the Onion had taken off just a few years earlier it might have garnered a lot more recognition, considering it was done by Scott Dikkers, who is (I think still) the editor-in-chief.
Anyway, it's a comic. A parody of comics in that it is a total non sequitur. It was a comic strip about nothing, to steal the line from Seinfeld. I've put up the pentultimate stip here for you:




Of course, it wasn't just a strip about nothing, that would be too artsy. It was really about leading an inane life, which resonates pretty well with you when you're in college and not a partier or an obsessive studier. I totally want an 'I went to college and it was okay' shirt now.



Anyway. I don't have much else to say. Drug test tomorrow morning.



Monday, April 7
 
Ick. I have a bit of a tummyache. I'm sure it's more than coincidence that I paid a bunch of bills just now. Now that I have a jobby job, I need to come up with some sort of plan to get caught up and even ahead on all that junk. Maybe that will be my goal for this week, to find out how to best do that.

Anyway, I won't bore you with the details. I just wanted to mention (for the third time today) that sitting at home all day is very boring if you don't have many projects to work on.
Also, chat rooms are incredibly stupid. I stumbled across the Sanrio-run Kuririn IRC channel today and after 10 minutes of being bombarded by a/s/l requests from 14 year-old girls in the Philippenes (well, that's what they said anyway) I had to get out of there. It made playing Counter-Strike seem an exercise in quality dialogue.


 
I have had several people hit the site lately looking for more information about In English, I wish I knew more than I do, just that two Promise Ring members are starting it and the bassist from Dismemberment Plan is working with them, but he didn't seem clear about whether that was a short-term favor ar a project he was actually going to be a part of. I'd e-mail him about it if I was really dying to know more, the D-Plan have a pretty good reputation for returning e-mails.

Anyway, this was the laziest day I've had in ages. I don't know if I can stand it any longer. I'm definitely going to work tomorrow for at least part of the day just to alleviate some of the boredom.

I am very upset with ESPN, as they picked up just one game of my beloved Senators' first-round playoff series against the Islanders. Now, I know Ottawa is a small market, but you'd think that with them playing New York and being the #1 seed in the playoffs they could have maybe grabbed a second game in the series. I briefly flirted with the idea of buying a ticket and driving to the game, since I have precious little else going on this week (and game 2 is the televised one), but as cheap and plentiful as tickets are, getting there would not be easy. The cheapest flight I could find ran $1000 and departed from Detroit. The drive is 12-14 hours and the weather has not been great lately. So, since the airlines practice the seemingly moronic concept of jacking up the price of unsold inventory rather than discounting to get some return on it, I will skip it and wait until next year, when I can maybe plan a vacation around it. And I will listen to round one on the radio. Stupid TV.
My desire for them to win the Stanley Cup is only increased by the way the press ignores my beloved Sens!


 
Got a monster movie marathon now playing in my pants.
The girls all wanna see because they know that I can't dance.
Got brainwaves like the Archies and a heartbeat like the Who.
What can ya do? What can ya do?
I fall asleep while standing then I lie awake in bed
I got those screamin demon martians riding go-karts in my head.


Well, hello 3 am, how are you this fine evening?

I hate it when I get all tired and crawl into bed and then get all wide-eyed and not sleepy, which used to be how I was every night all through high school and college. I've been over that mostly since then, but every once in a while I like to get bored and stay up until 4 or 5 (by 'like' I mean 'don't have a choice about').
Of course, you never want to start doing anything exciting, interesting or useful when awake for no good reason at 3 am because if you do, you'll never fall asleep. So you do mindless things like update your Battlefield 1942, play Tip Top and wonder who's idea that game was anyway and then because you're really lame you post to the old blog for the the tenth time in five days.

So, as long as I'm up, who wants to hear a story? Well, little youngster, all I've really got is the tale of Plinko's really cold apartment, in which our adventurous hero re-ignites the pilot light on the furnace and then the heat comes back on and things are warmer and he lived happily ever after in his cozy apartment especially because the weather warmed up anyway and no one needs the furnace again for six months. The end.
Okay, I made up that last part, but it's an exciting story either way.
I have this scary feeling that this year the plan is for alternating cold and wet and cold and snowy right through until we swing back to totally freezing and snow again in November or so. I wonder if anyone's regretting building that sun-gun yet?

Okay I'm rambling even more than I usually do. But, since I'm still not sleepy, blog on!

Crap. I made it sound like I had more to write about. That was a damn dirty lie. I guess I'd better wrap it up and crawl into bed and think about how sorry I am for teasing everyone like that. To earn your forgiveness, I give you people in bunny costumes humping in public.


Sunday, April 6
 
So many things I've neglected to talk about. I've been distracted by the stupidity, but I promise I'll let it go for at least a few days. The blog only goes back so far and that whole thing was threatening to make people who don't come here every day actually miss several posts. And I know you don't want that.

Anyway. First and foremost, I am taking it easy this week. Minimal work and lots of relaxing. Of course, at the same time I need to practice getting up before 8. I didn't get a good start today, but the whole daylight savings thing gives me a good excuse, don't you think? I don't know what I'll do with all that time if I actually start getting up early this week, it's not like I have television to watch or something. Maybe I'll take up that freaky early-morning jogging that was so popular in the late 80s, I could stand to lose a few pounds, if 32-year-old Asian photographers are to be believed. Heck, you might think I'm three-months pregnant if you took that point of view.

Anyway, I think I have a new list: establishments I wish were in Oshkosh. We can add Cy's Asian Bistro to the list after a lovely dinner there last night with the Krauses. I know 15 minutes isn't all that far away, but I am lazy.

My favorite non-Green-Bay-Packers sports team finished with the best regular-season record in the NHL last week. I am looking forward to being able to see them on TV for a change instead of listening to them on the Internet Radio. This alone is a great reason to be excited about the playoffs, I get to be all fanboyish about my favorite hockey player, Danny Alfredsson. Since he might not be all my female readers' cup of tea (even though he's Swedish, has red-blonde hair, facial hair, is a three-time all-star and not Mr. Jones so I don't how he wouldn't appeal to most women I am friends with but anyway I digress), I'll also put up a picture of Sens' top youngster and female fan-favorite Marty Havlat.
Daniel AlfredssonMarty Havlat



Okay, now that that's out of the way, I can get the last few notes out of the way for your edification.
1. Newman's Two Thousand Island dressing is calling me.
2. I have no idea what "Fo'shizzle my nizzle" is supposed to mean but it makes me crack up every time I look at the picture of that cat [edit] Definition to be found here[/edit].
3. I once dressed up as an Easter Bunny and worked at a grocery store for Easter pictures. I do not have any pictures of me doing that, and it was way back in high school. I can say that the costume was way better than the one O-P got pictured with. The costume I had to wear looked like the ones they use in the Trigger Happy TV skits where the two people in the costumes hump each other in public. I do have that video somewhere, and I should post it to make you laugh. Hard.
4. I'd like to think of more, but the fish sticks are done.


Saturday, April 5
 
Velveteen says:
please
Velveteen says:
please
Velveteen says:
just stop
Ryan says:
there is no future
Ryan says:
the world is going to end
Ryan says:
when this generation is in charge
Velveteen says:
I think we need to start manuvering into positions of power asap
Ryan says:
yeah
Ryan says:
we need to ensure that that generation gets bypassed from all major influence on the world
Velveteen says:
agreed


What prompted the beginning of our plan to protect the world by freezing out all kids aged 18-25 from policitcal power? Read it and weep:

"There are many things that I would do with $25,000. I love to have fun and have always dreamed of attending a party where anyone can come and it is free. The idea that I have is to rent out a huge building in Seattle and fill it up with foam and have a huge party that anyone can attend. This is an event that any person would want to attend because it would be fun and free. I love to help people have fun and why would I not use money given to me to help other people do something I enjoy. I think that this would also be a great way for people of all different walks of life have an opportunity to come together and share a common experience. There are parties all the time but not everyone is able to attend because they are not invited. But because this would be a party that would be free and open to anyone, no one would be restricted entry to the party. This idea is actually something would help just start my career as a party planner, like Van Wilder."

I am not posting this stuff to be mean, I am doing it to motivate you, my loyal readers. This is our call to action, to save the world from these morons.


 
I start my new job either Wednesday or a week from Monday.
Since people seem to think my site has started eating their souls, I will try to give a little something back. Namely, kittens.
I stole all thse pics from SA recently, as they had another 'OMG SOO KAYYOOOT!' thread the other day. That explains the captioned kitten photos.
Kitty
mmm
my preciousssss
this kitty likes Counter-Strike
eep


This one is just to freak out Ron and Atom:
mmm pie


Friday, April 4
 
More Internet funny for you.

The above link takes you to a site that finds 100 random images from the Internet via Alta Vista. Results likely to not be work safe. You will find some truly funny, stupid and disgusting stuff by looking through this.


 
Please note that I've switched to chronological posts within a given day. This means if I have updated more than once in a given day, those posts will be below the older ones, but they will still be in reverse order for days. It was just too odd to read them backwards within a given day. Try not to miss important new posts, okay?


 
Okay, okay, less cynicism for a moment.
Good news on the Plan's Web site.
The breakup tour will pass through the midwest in June. I can tell you now whatever show I can get to will supercede any plans made between now and then.
Even sexier than that, the bass player, Eric, is joining up with heartthrob Davey von Bohlen (the singer from Promise Ring) at least temporarily for their new project, In English, which will be Milwaukee-based.
I think I just sinned in my pants.


 
I will surely defeat you with cynicism!


"With $25,000 options are limited, but I would open up my own 70's dance club and have my best friend be my partner. He could handle all of the business relations and I'd make sure everything ran the way the people wanted it to be ran. The posative atmosphere would attract people of all classes, and bring back that never-ending fun from the 70's. I would give local dj's a chance to shine, and hire people I know so that as many people as possible could profit from the business. In other words I'd make sure that not only I was happy, but that everybody involved got and equal piece of my dream. Equality has been lost in our society and through this positive vibe I'd like to make people feel that they are equal so that anybody can come and let themselves go."

"Would you like to have seen what it was like to live in midevel europe? Perhaps you would like to experience running for you life from a T-Rex. Well with a virtual reality system, anything and everything that you mind can dream up, you can experience. I would use this money to study, research and ultimately develop a virtual reality system in which users could experience things they might never have had a chance to. I would make it so that not only a select few of extremely wealthy people would be able to enjoy this incredible experience, but make it available the common person. Hopefully start with one or two small "stores" and slowly expand across the nation and eventually the world. This system could not only be used for entertainment purposes, but also for training and learning. Imagine taking a class from a world renown professor, while he is in europe on a book tour, and you are still in your home town. The possiblities for this invention are endless."

I so want to fill this post with sarcastic comments, but that would only be so much piling on.
I know I promised Atom that I was going to put in a submission and all, but I can't bring myself to do anything more than stare in slack-jawed horror at how retarded college kids are.


Thursday, April 3
 
Please God, don't let them breed!

"Well, I'll be totally honest I feel I should win this money because I have a great big loving family. If I were to win this money I would frist buy myself what I have been neglecting myself of having, since I have been spending all my money on commuting from hayward. I need to get my hair dyed and I need some new clothes, since my freshmen fitteen has came to me I don't fit in my cloths any more. I would also like to give my loving parents some money so they can remodel their kitchen. I would also give a grand to my grandmother so she can do what ever she wants with her share. If I were also to win this money I would also buy a car for my boyfriends grandma so she can get around without asking everyone for a ride. I will be so greatful with this money that I can win and believe me I will use it all. Thanks and Good Bye. "

There's a moderately sensical entry about using the money to fight apathy among America's youth. Except the entrant gave is name as 'kyguy52'. I'm praying that he means the state abbreviation and not the genital lubricant. The fact that he's hailing from Seattle doesn't give me much hope.


 
There are times when I wonder if being cynical is a bad trait.
Then, I read the shit on the Visa 'Ideas Happen' contest. The best part is the funny writes itself!

Take this gem from 'James' in Oakland, this is his 'entrpreneurial' idea:
"Im trying to get in to real estate, im only 18 years old but i still want to buy a house in a year. Im fare from well off when it comes to money so 25,000 would be a major blessing. a lot of people look at me funny when i tell them im going to buy a house soon. I think Im close to my goal, I don't have any money yet to get a house but i am getting saturataed with knowledge. by the time im 25 i would like to own a community center and a few more houses would be bless,lol. after my buisness gets rolling to the point were i don't have to rely on any other finacial support than i will give away my property to those who needs them. Its all for god, family, and the community."

Even better, in the same category, from 'bumpinjeep' of Bellvue, Washington:
"If I had $25K to do whatever I wanted with, I would have to obviously give half of the money to my parents. Obviously my parents deserve at least half for the support, financially, mentally, and physically that they have giving me over the years. Then, I would have to save some money for school, just a little, and with the money I have left, I would either travel back to my homeland, or lift my Jeep even more. I figure having a huge jeep makes it original and makes me happy. I love going off road and having too much money invested into my hobby. My hobby is what sets me apart from everyone else. I love my jeep and it loves me back, now I'm not a psycho that thinks my car talks back to me or anything, but it does! So pick me and you'll see the biggest Jeep in the northwest!"

Okay, I have to stop. I am now crying for the future of America. My suspiscion that this is a nation full of re-res is confirmed. God help us all.


Wednesday, April 2
 
Okay, sure I just posted a long nonsensical diatribe and all but jesus fuck. Someone made a site where all the moronic assclowns on the Internet get to make a presentation about how stupid they are, for the public to see. And it's not Something Awful this time, either. It's some sort of bizarre charity contest by Visa and MSN.

If you have a moment and the desire to see how stupid and unrealistic people are, peruse the submissions a bit. Let me say it now, just to clear the air:
$25,000 is a lot of money to have handed to you, but it's not a whole lot of money. I owe more money than this. $25,000 is not enough to start a clothing label or buy a jazz club or start an alternative school. It's enough to buy a decent new car, a down payment on a house, a small scholarship fund. It's cost me about $16,000 to start this tiny-market magazine that I'm about to bail on and I wasn't even the principal investor (I'm guessing Rolf's loss at least $30,000). I could not buy Denny's or the salon or launch the geek magazine for $25,000, though with that much cash I could possibly secure enough of a loan to do so.
The ideas submitted so far (admittedly, it's been up just one day) fall into two categories. The first is 'I can't type but I'd use this money to pay off my (college/parents/house) debt.' The second type is 'I can't spell but I'd use this money to start a business which would require ten to twenty times the capital I will receive.'
I am well aware that I am a notoriously terrible typist. But I guarantee you that if I were submitting an essay on why someone should give me a tenth of a quarter-million dollars, I would proofread it first.
That said, I am not so stupid as to say I won't submit an entry. I am torn between being the first person to send in a plea to have their debts paid off, written in proper English and asking for start-up funds to run WI Gamer, written in proper English. Hell, I've thought of several nice ideas while I've been sitting here.

I'm done bitching about this, get back to work!


 
Good morning.
As I count down the days before I switch careers, my usual feelings of dread increase.
My history of voting for Ralph Nader aside, I am an extremely conservative person. I am suspicious of change, noise and nosy kid detectives. I can't rid myself of the feeling that someday, somewhere my plans will be unraveled by four odd-duck teenagers and a dog getting high in a van.

Okay, now I'm getting silly. I'll get back on track. In reality, I'm not very conservative. Rather I am contrarian. I have a natural tendency to take a minority or opposing view to everything. I am habitually suspicious of things which are common, popular, predominant or any other majority-oriented adjective. The logic is simple, things which are popular are extremely likely to be exagerrated or overrated. Take French-bashing. This was a funny past-time for we Americans until you couldn't watch television or be in a room with other people for thirty seconds without hearing it.
Too much of a good thing is not just a concept, it's a major force in good taste. Variety is good for you, don't you know? Who has time to see and hear and do the same things over and over again? This is why I don't listen to the radio or watch much television, I get sick of things so fast.
Atom (in his as-of-yet-unwritten song) is right, there is no kill like overkill. The most important lesson I ever learned from theater is one I wish we all would take to heart: Less is more.

So the end result of this nonsensical diatribe (I'll pay a quarter to whoever can tell me what I'm getting at if for no other reason than that I could then tack said explanation on the end there and have it all make sense) is that the more sure my new job becomes, the more I dread it. And you don't need to agree with me about any of the above statements to know what I'm getting at there.

In news of things other than how messed up my head is, I might get to meet the Governor (of Wisconsin, silly!) today. I'm covering a economic development meeting today starring our former attorney general. That means I get to put a nice tie on and pretend to be a real journalist one last time before I get into the business of purchasing girls' and women's knit clothing and leave the world of news and page design behind me.

The good news for you ladies is that I'll be eligible dating material again once I start. I know that brightened all your days just a little bit.

She is fast, throrough and sharp as a tack.


Tuesday, April 1
 
Hmm. I wonder if Blogger is done being broke yet?

I am in that weak-and-slightly-delerious-with-hunger state right now, so bear with me.
Crap, I have nothing to say. Well, I guess we'll find out if Blogger's fixed at least.


 
All in all a good day today. I think I got more work done at home than at work, but other than that, not bad. Did some dishes, cooked some veggie burgers (I get a craving for these every once in a while) and made some ham stock for split pea soup.
Good news was around today, first that I'll probably get final word on the job Thursday afternoon or Friday morning. I might be working Monday. Then my giant box of missing books turned up at my parents' home. So, I once again have all my books on Chinese history, moral philosophy and early modern poetry. More importantly, I have my copies of all Mark Helprin's novels. Maybe if I ever slog through my three learning books, Kitchen Confidential, The Glass Key and the last four books in the Camulod Chronicle I will sit down and read my favorite novel - Winter's Tale again.
I've been a posting fool lately, so I won't bog you down with anymore details about my boring life.

Daughter to the pop veneer
Shining like a new mint quarter
Shining like the Franklin Mint
Seedy like the lampshade quarter
Rolling with the dopes you know
Rolling with the wrong gun on you
Going down to Baltimore
Going in an off-white Honda
Oh I miss the girl, miss the girl, miss the girl
I want to give myself to the water
Speeding to the rupture line
Rat-a-tatting boombox moocher
Darling with the boop shuh-nai
Rat-a-tatting lose your future
I dream that she aims to be the bloom upon my misery
She rocks the mob style, she needs the rest
And I know it's not the same thing
.