Why Plinko hates you.

the life and times of one jaded motherfucker.

E-mail Plinko

Uncle Phil

:.News of the World.:
Washington Post
NY Times
Howard Kurtz
Leonard Pitts
The Onion

:.On Wisconsin.:
Milwaukee J-S
Wheeler Report
Gannett Wisconsin

Penny Arcade


:.Current Book.:
Woman In the Dark - Dashiell Hammett

:.Last 6 Books.:
The Catcher In the Rye - JD Salinger
Grendel - John Gardner
Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha - Roddy Doyle
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Theft - Peter Carey
Saturday - Ian McEwan

:. Bands .:
Dismemberment Plan
Jets to Brazil
Promise Ring

Mark Helprin
Kazuo Ishiguro
Wilkie Collins
William Faulkner
Philip K. Dick
Dashiell Hammett

The Lord of the Rings
J.R.R. Tolkien
Frank Herbert
Dan Simmons
The Dark Tower
Stephen King

02/01/2001 - 03/01/2001 03/01/2001 - 04/01/2001 04/01/2001 - 05/01/2001 05/01/2001 - 06/01/2001 06/01/2001 - 07/01/2001 07/01/2001 - 08/01/2001 08/01/2001 - 09/01/2001 09/01/2001 - 10/01/2001 10/01/2001 - 11/01/2001 11/01/2001 - 12/01/2001 12/01/2001 - 01/01/2002 01/01/2002 - 02/01/2002 02/01/2002 - 03/01/2002 03/01/2002 - 04/01/2002 04/01/2002 - 05/01/2002 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002 06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002 07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002 08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
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Monday, September 30
Will it ever stop?

Leslie says:
It tastes like ass
Velveteen says:
Velveteen says:
Like fruity ass, or just regular ass?
Leslie says:
Orange ass
Ryan says:
Leslie says:
Velveteen says:

So full. . . soooo full. . .

So today was not so productive. I slept late and forgot that I was supposed to finish fixing Sean's computer this morning. He still has a problem with his Outlook that I cannot figure out at all. I was going to get some of my six or seven loads of laundry done, but some people conspired to get me to go to Appleton with them and look at stuff and fill my belly with food.
Now I'm too stuffed to go do laundry.
Maybe tomorrow night, since I'm not into the whole Buffy thing, though I would get the chance to see Gilmore Girls, which I hear is alright. And I don't want to be totally divorced from popular culture of the television variety.

Other than that, my life goes on as it always has. I'm strongly considering applying to work at a gas station or something because the well of cool part-time jobs seems to be bone-dry. Then the humor at my expense can truly begin.

Sunday, September 29
Okay, I got off my lazy ass and edited the pictures from last night. I put them up in a handy .zip file for you to download at your leisure. As long as I was at it, I put my OshCon pics up as well. I'm too lazy to put them up here, but if you really want to see them I'm sure you can handle the 900k downloads.

Three hams will surely kill me.

Cooking was tough, but it turned out well, and unlike some people I didn't get hit in the beanbag four times in two seconds, so I'm calling it a victory. I also got my first speeding ticket.

Fortunately I had plenty of alcohol and crotch-grabbing last night to push the day back into victory. There are pictures, but not of any crotches, so I'll feel safe displaying them for the betterment of the Internet later. As for now, the Packers will soon resume play, so I need to hang with the queasy sisters.


Friday, September 27
Well, four hours later, I have succesfully cleaned Sean's computers of all the viruses it had and upgraded the machine to Win2k (thank you, B-Diddy). I think half the business community in Oshkosh was getting Klez sent to them from him, but it's over now, thankfully. We had a little chat about opening attachments, especially ones with '.exe' extensions. . .

I enjoyed dinner thoroughly. They even let me win at Fluxx! It's hard to develop any rage after such a fun and successful evening, even if I had to spend the whole morning watching Win2k install. Looking forward to cooking all day tomorrow and then getting a little tipsy — ok, looking forward to getting cock-wasted — in the evening to celebrate some special birthdays.

And on a last little note, a thank-you is in order to someone who did me a big favor yesterday and is doing me at least a big a favor again for tomorrow. I'd like to go on about how thankful I am, but I think he'd be embarrased.

Thursday, September 26
Another damned virus in the mail today. You know, up until four months ago, no one had ever sent me a virus. My parents managed to get Happy99, (sometime in mid-2000 but that's neither here nor there) but I have always remained hidden from the dastardly pieces of programming, until now when it seems like every other day something pops into my inbox.

Anyway, volleyball was another forfeit, and we didn't even have six players, but at least we showed. That pushes the Peabody's team record to 2-1 since I started playing, with two forfeits and a beating at the hands of the only team to show up against us.

I can't wait to get this damn mop cut off my head. I also can't wait to subject my debonair Uncle Phil and his lovely wife Velveteen to a little bit of the old hospitalitarianism this evening. I get to go on a grocery spree this afternoon to acquire feast fixins for the prancing masses on Saturday as well. And don't be jealous if you aren't getting a chance to experiece my food wrath yet, your turn will come, I assure you. My house just doesn't hold that many people, so I have to carefully dole out my maniacal hosting a little bit at a time.

Wednesday, September 25
I figured I'd have something to say by now, but I guess I was wrong.

Tuesday, September 24
Cleaining out places where you store things you really ought to throw away often holds things that say something about your past. I'm trying to empty out my desk drawers and I've been reminded of some things you might not know about me, so sit back, relax and see what I find . . .

1. I used to own a Mac, as evidenced by the numerous Mac cds and manuals in various drawers.
2. The University of Minnesota gave me a National Merit Scholarship. I rewarded them by transferring a year later to Madison.
3. Cherry tobacco is the second greatest smell in the world (a freshly showered girl is first and garlic cooking is third).
4. I paid $4.00 to see Forrest Gump at the Cinema 10 on July 8, 1994 at 12:50 p.m.
5. In freshman art class for metals work I made a pendant cut to look like the badges on Star Trek uniforms from the original series (how's that for geek cred?).
6. My lease on this apartment expires Oct. 31.
7. I collected football cards for about three years.
8. I have two ex-girlfriends who are now lesbians, but none (who are now lesbians) since high school.
9. I used to be big into drawing with those thick Eberhard Faber pencils, and I still have some pencils, sandboards and soft-rubber erasers lying around.
10. Somehow people used to think I was into golfing, as I have all sorts of tees and golf balls.

Now, don't go holding any of this against me.

How long before the 'post your silly MSN conversations' trend gets old? Not for a while, I hope.

Ryan says:
How was golfing?
Ben says:
Ryan says:
kinda cold?
Ben says:
actually no, the sun was out and stuff
Ryan says:
cool, it was windy around here, I was pretty cold sitting at OshCon
Ben says:
were all the geeks eyeballin' your tasty nips?
Ryan says:
fuck yeah.
Ben says:
Ryan says:
you'd think they'd never seen a cold guy in a tight shirt before. Stupid slackjaw droolers
Ben says:
well, I mean usually they only catch a glimpse of their own nipples when they're in their basements
Ben says:
although talking about your nips gets me supa hot, I gotta go to work

Froaking cold weather. I had to take my air-conditioner out of the window and turn the goddamned heat on this morning. I love this time of year, but when my fingers are too stiff to type, even I have to turn the heat up a bit.

I have a fuckton of cleaning to do, and so far I've been more in a slight 'straightening things up' mode, which makes for better walking in the apartment, but doesn't truly qualify as cleaning. I have also been fantasizing about all the cooking I get to do later this week. I've got a food boner like you wouldn't believe, baby.

I need a ton of money to roll in right now if for no other reason than to allow me to buy a new goddamned mouse. Mine is driving me crazy, as I can no longer highlight text with any consistency. I think I pick up a rage or two every time I try to click on something and it highlights the entire word, or when I try to highlight several things and it loses it faster than an overeager teenager getting to touch a boob for the first time. I guess this is the end for me and Microsoft Intellimice, since this is two I've gone through in a year. $40 mice really ought to last a bit longer than that. I wish I were as intrepid as Mr. Jones, with his fancy new job and such.

I'm experimenting with switching my click to the fifth mouse button, but its freaky, even if it does actually work. Maybe I'll get used to it.

Monday, September 23
Oh, I got some decent pics at OshCon, but I'll be leaving them to Atom for whatever purpsoses he finds for them. Besides, I'm running out of room to store stuff for your amusement.

What a difference a day makes. No longer sleepy, I am now coherent and possibly even lucid, thanks to ten or so hours of less-than-consciousness.

I have an urge to watch movies, particularly Excalibur, which to my chagrin and excessive apposition, I do not, in fact, own, despite my previously held beliefs to the contrary. There are several others, many of which are in the theatre, which tickle my fancy. Alas, I shall have to wait for video. I need to save most of my movie-theatre-going dollars for December 18th and subsequent obsessing.

Things that bother me today more than they should: People who use the noun 'media' as a singular, particularly when meaning the 'news media' as a whole. In addition to being both a collective noun and a plural (of medium), making it take the plural in all but some special cases, it also is a shoddy rhetorical device that makes my blood burn just a bit. Not one to fight too hard for my professional brethren (journalistic ethics, one of the three classic oxymorons), I still get annoyed by people who insist on pushing the idea that news and entertainment in this world are all one and the same in order to justify their wacko beliefs by saying that since they can't read stuff extolling their vision of reality in the New York Times or Oshkosh Northwestern that there's some sort of outer-wing conspiracy to keep that opinion silenced. People who can't grasp basic concepts about communication need to swallow their own tongues and die.
Of course, my little diatribes would be so much more potent if I had a person or event or something that triggered it. To give it some sort of reality to you, but I'm just being a bitch about some things today, I guess.

My spanish page still brings me hours of amusement: "I conjecture so that occupied it is a word better than sluggish, since perfectly I am arranged to replace opposite in an oration in the flashing of an eye." I can't even begin to imagine what the fuck that originally said.

Sunday, September 22
I am ti-red. Sometimes I forget that I have no power to resist the effects of caffeine. So yesterday, after downing Sun-Drops and Pepsis left and right, little wonder that I sorta sat in bed shaking, unable to sleep until, say 6:30 or so.

I'm sure I'm supposed to have silly things to say to entertain you, but I am in fact, too dizzy to think of anything. You'll have to amuse yourselves until sometime tomorrow.

Saturday, September 21
So, I'm gonna head off to work OshCon any minute now. I probably should eat something first, though, so as not to be overly crabby while I'm there. A shower might even be in the works, but I'm sure you have more important things to worry about.

My current housecleaning progress has been minimal, which is to say that I thought about it for about 30 seconds this morning.

Speaking of oddball smells (sit on that segue for a while), my house currently reeks because I just deglazed the pan I used last night to fry bratwurst in with Sunny Delight. Not a great combination, trust me. But it was totally worth it to have all that muck off the pan with minimal effort. Thank god for the French, who probably invented deglazing, or at least thats what my exhaustive research shows me, as you can see:

Ryan says:
did the French come up with deglazing?
Ben says:
i dunno
Ryan says:
well, what kind of resource are you?
Ben says:
let's say yes
Ryan says:
sounds great
Ben says:
I'm sure the chinese were using it 1000 years before hand, like everything else
Ryan says:
good point, but I bet they didn't tell anyone so we can all pretend it was the French.
Ben says:
Ben says:
although the chinese will complain, eventually
Ryan says:
too late, if you ask me

Friday, September 20
Yes, I am fully aware that the gentleman who writes Penny Arcade's posts under the alter ego Tycho is a not-even-slightly-attractive man, nor is his life partner Gabe. That's how great that shit is man. Those posts will fuck you up.

Well, it's good to know that Pyra (note the tender one-letter difference between the Blogger creator and our favorite workaholic) is trying to induce us to upgrade to Blogger Pro with a new feature that is less-robust than the free one most of us are using already.

My mouse has nearly driven me insane now, thank you very much.
Meanwhile, issue four has been sent off to the presses, and, after ingesting a family-sized box of Rice-a-Roni with a touch of BBQ sauce (I got more where that came from, baby!) I'll make some phone calls for my stories next issue and then it will be a relaxing weekend, finally. I don't remember the last time I was gone so much, and my house shows all the worse for it. Next week should be much easier. I'm going to make the house presentable and maybe, just maybe, play some goddamned video games. I'll be hanging around OshCon as well, mostly to support the whole geek thing, even if they don't play my type of games.

I wouldn't mind going off on a rant here, but I'm not going to. That's mainly because someone else does it so much better. I know you're thinking to yourself "Oh boy, there goes Plinko talking about how he wantes to have Tycho's manbabies again." Well, fuck-knuckles, that's right! I don't think I can talk about this enough. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not really all that heteroflexible, but my god if there's some man out there who ought to be on my list, it's him. Not Moby or Danny Alfredsson no matter how enticing their handsome features might be, but Tycho, and maybe Gabe too, did you read this today?

Now that I'm all hot and bothered about video game pillow talk, I'll get this post back to topics more appropriate to polite company, of course this is the site for people who want to see some dogs screwing women, so I don't know what I'm thinking.

Anyway, I put up a picture of my dear dear cat, Neko-San. View it here, but you must promise only to look if you've stopped eating cats.

Thursday, September 19
Well, my nasty habits of game playing are biting me in the behind again. My left mouse button is kinda brokey, since 60% of the time when I click it double clicks instead, which can get especially annoying when you're trying to work in Quark or Photoshop. Thbbbbbbt.

I did all the work for my cds tonight except manufacture the discs themselves and print the layouts, and that's because I ran into two problems. One being that my layouts are wider than 8.5 inches (a four-panel insert for a cd jewel box is 9.5" x 9.5"). So I gotta figure out what I'm going to do about that. Secondly, after I ripped the songs I was missing for the comps, I did a test disc and sure enough, stupid Easy CD Creator put a fuckton of dead silence after several tracks. I gotta track down the source of that little joy before I'll want to give any away.
But just to prove how much work I've done, I posted .jpgs of the liners already. If you can find a way to print them, go for it and then let me know about it. I don't feel like paying Image Pros a lot of money just to get them on paper. They're a bit big, and at full size one of the pics looks awfully pixelated to me, but it should print fine, of course I think .jpgs print at screen resolution instead of 200 (300 on the 'lovers' disc) dpi, which is what I set the images for. I am not so smart when it comes to printing anywhere but through a big company that does the prepress for me, so there's that.

And I am tired from eating like a damned fat kid at the Haase's Supper Club. It was pretty good except for the tiny $1 sodas with no refills and the onion-flavored water. Mr. and Mrs. Jones ordered an entire cow and had to take 3/4 of the damn thing home. I think their dinner could have fed all six of us.

The magazine is almost finished. That means I might get to be lazy, or more likely, get to spend tomorrow getting a start on the cleaning. Maybe even tonight I can get some major progress on the cd project I've been teasing all y'all with of late. I could even finally get around to applying for work at the local Pick n' Save.

In the hilarious irony department, google archived my page early Wednesday morning, meaning that now people have already searched my site for Zelda porn. It seems the oddball searches come in bunches around here, and the last few days have been no exception.

Well, it's humid. That's all I have to say about that.

Whoops, I mean, "Yaaarrr it be sticky!"

The end.

Wednesday, September 18
Now I know that because I am a posting whore, that sometimes people miss a post because they see one new one and don't look past that. Well, for the love of all that is holy, make sure you check out the Plinko-to-Spanish-to-comedy-gold page that I spoke of yesterday. I'm still laughing about it.

Volleyball tonight, maybe this time a worthy opponent will show up. . .

I've been having incredible luck waking up early and doing all the work I was supposed to do the previous evening. In reality I spend my evenings laughing at bizarre searches to my web sites and talking shit about colors with someone who knows better and playing video games that I might have ripped on rather loudly of late.

Lately I've been thinking hard on the difficulty of making any kind of subtlety apparent in the written word. I know that's part of what 'emoticons' are supposed to be all about and all, but I hate them, even as much as I litter my MSN conversations with them, especially the little devil that my Trillian-equipped friends don't get to see.

Anyway, we all know there will be moo-rons that can't read anything without failing to understand it. But more than that, I notice that nothing is ever taken in the context its meant by even all the people you love,. And while I'm not saying this because of two obvious examples recently on this site (both times I got knocked for being a go-tard), I've decided that in the better interests of humanity that as far as subtle feelings, innuendo and run-on sentences go, I'll be using them as much as ever, be they song lyrics or scathing, but half-hearted, criticisms of anything and everything.
As such I expect you all to develop the ability to see the world exactly as I do, starting right now.

Tuesday, September 17
Okay, enough cryptic song quotes and work bitching, we have documented funny available right here at your fingertips.

While I've never had anyone find my site when looking for Zelda porn or Final Fantasy fuck films, I do get some oddball searches every one in a while. For istance, today someone with an unhealthy affection for my idol was looking for people who have 'slept with Blake Schwarzenbach.' Apparently I'm the fourth person to do that. But that's just a pale preview.

Apparently someone, someone in Mexico to be more specific, decided he (or she) could only understand me in his (her) native tongue. Fortunately, the kind folks at Google were around to help him (her) out with their handy language tools. Alas, as I cannot read Spanish, I had them translate it back to me, and since I found the result so amusing that I had to import it and save it for you all. Unfortunately for you I am too lazy to fix everything Frontpage sucks at, so you'll have to make do with it's crappy mockup of my blog template, which is right here.
Anyway, have fun, and try to imagine what that weirdo in Mexico thinks of me now!

"If you could hear the dreams I've had my dear, they would give you nightmares for a week.
But you're not here and I can never sleep. Come on so I can be a creep.

Maybe I'm obsessive, to think like this.
I'm probably not impressing you with my cheap tricks.
Honey its depressing what depression does to some.
I'll play the part for hours but I know you'll never come."

-Jawbreaker, Fireman.

Okay, so maybe TBCS is never enough to forget about girls!

Finally done with the damned 'best-places to work' story. 2,300 words, which doesn't seem like a lot to me, I guess. It's a lot for a news feature at least.
Now I just have an 800 word story and my column to do. And type in a lot of stuff. And design the whole magazine. Sigh.
When was that I was talking shit about not having much work to do?

There's a very special TBCS coming up, by the way. It's almost enough to make me forget about girls for a few minutes.

Monday, September 16
I woke up this morning realizing that I have a veritable fuckton of work that has to be done yesterday. This was a short month, in terms of getting to deadline and now I'm going to have to suffer for it for a while. It's just two stories and a ton of computer work to get the mag done by Friday. Sigh.
I finished the second cd liner last night and got a bunch of new blanks from my parents, so I'm only a little slow. Really.

Sunday, September 15
Now that I got some culture in me (as well as some free wine and food), it's time to read a bit and go to bed.
But first, I must note that I ran into two people I did not at all expect to see tonight.
First, the totally cute photographer from the Nowhere happened to be on her last photo assignment for the paper, and it turned out to be the OSO concert, so I got to talk to her the very night after I said I didn't expect to ever see her again. Naturally I didn't ask her for her phone number or anything, though I did tell her she would get invited to hang out sometime. . . Maybe I'll just tell Shu-Ling to give me her number and I'll do my best creep impression and call her up to ask her to see a movie or something. She totally remembered me, at least, and that's something.
Then at the P, I ran into Randy, my manager at the video store from waaaay back when. I still think he's one of the coolest guys ever and I haven't seen him for at least two years. Too bad there was excessive loudness at the P. Because there was, you know, a band playing, but it rocked to see him . . . small world, this is.

Oh, and go Packers!

Saturday, September 14
I am going out to acquire some culture tonight, but first I have to do some laundry and possibly get some work done. I ought to get some cds made, but as you all know I am lazier than the slothiest sloth in slothsville.

I played some BF 1942 this afternoon, and I must say I currently feel as if EA stole $50 from me. None of the problems I had with the demo that I had hoped would be fixed in the release version have been fixed. Online play is a disaster and the single player is like getting a red hot poker in the eye. I guess we can pray for a patch that actually makes the game run decently, but it makes me wonder exactly how they play tested the game, you know?

Other than that, I got nothing.

Friday, September 13
After dwelling on it all night, I am reconsidering drving to Schaumburg tonight. 3 hours to Chicago is a long lonely drive to take by yourself to hang with a bunch of strangers, especially since many of the people I want to meet aren't going (losers). So I might be tearing up Oshkosh tonight after all. I'll decide soetime after I hang at 4imprint for a few hours.
I'm sure I gots more to blather about, but the shower beckons.

Thursday, September 12
I'm not much for posting news articles, but since I've been so crabby all day, I've been wandering the Uberweb. Found this interesting piece from the New York Times Magazine (reg. required) on coincidences. Since I get easily annoyed by people who play conspiracy theory, it was right up my alley.

I am this close to killing someone right now. I continue to be baffled by the utter stupidity of people who get paid to work despite the fact that they seem to be all but brain dead. I really am amazed at how much anger I've managed to build up in the last ten minutes, or rage, if you will.

I wish I had somewhere to go with this, but for now I'm just going to seethe for a while.

Well I was there to play ball, but apparently the other team was too intimidated to try to take me on, because they didn't even show up.

I was mostly in a crabby mood yesterday. You know, because I dislike women. But I did get to meet the SWEF's soon-to-be fiance. He was pretty cool. The SWEF's designation is under reconsideration at the moment, since a prominent part of it will be obsolete sooner or later. And, well, while it's been so apt for so long, it's tough to refer to one of your closest friends as 'evil' behind her back all the time. Now, it's not decided yet, so don't worry your pretty little heads too much.

Also, I suck at photography.

Wednesday, September 11
Okay. I want you all to take a close look at yourselves and ask, "what is my Internet Service Provider?" and if the answer is 'Charter' then get off your ass and get yourself checked for Klez. Today I got messages with it not once, but twice, from a Charter subscriber with a forged e-mail address, which I assume came from the sender's address book and is probably sending out the ones that result in virus detection warnings coming to my Yahoo e-mail account.

In other news, misogyny reigns supreme again. Maybe I'll just stop bothering.
And I think I'm playing volleyball with the girls tonight. I'll find out at the bar, I suppose.

I also still plan on going to Schaumburg Friday night, if anyone wants to go with me. Work on the cd inserts continues, if I'm not lazy they'll be done this weekend as promised. As I am not currently equipped with a printer, I don't know why I am even bothering. Maybe I'll just make pdfs and then you can print em yourself if you're so inclined.

Tuesday, September 10
I just spent an entire day journalisting in Fond du Lac. Is it scary that I'm starting to get a feel for the layout of Fondy now? That's what I thought.
Well, I want you people to know that you missed out yesterday. I nearly 'sploded from eating so much.
I also crossed over and voted Republican for the first time, mostly so I could vote for Bill Lennon in the County DA primary and as a side benefit vote against Scott McCallum in the gubernatorial primary.

I need to get off my duff, find a flashlight, crawl under the house and investigate my crappy phone line. I think Lil' Zebby's gonna murder me in my sleep if he continues to have a hard time downloading the fisting videos he likes so much. And with BF1942 coming soon, I might want to do some gaming. Well, maybe.

Oh, and as admirable as it is to rip people a new one, Dave, you should know that i.e. stands for 'id est' (Latin translating approximately to 'that is') and ie, i.e. and i. e. are all considered acceptable usage in everyday use. And you're not an English major anymore, you gradumatated just like me. Now you're just another under-employed overeducated wanker, which is also just like me. . . Sigh.

Monday, September 9
Well, some people say it's gonna cool off tomorrow, but I'm still thinking of trying to put the air conditioner back in because I wasn't built to swelter.

Oh, and I'm having a contest. First two people to e-mail me today win a free dinner at my house. Tonight. We're having stew and dumplings, so if you don't like em, don't enter. If you're lucky I won't even make you do dishes. If you're real lucky I'll clean a bit first. I'll be out at the office most of the afternoon, so I might not check on it until later, so don't hold sit around waiting to see if you've won. And don't say I never invite people over to my humble abode. I also hereby reserve the right to kick the ass of anyone who complains about my cooking.

See how loving I can be?

I keep expecting the heat to abate at any moment, but it keep sitting around. Can't it take a hint? It's time for Mr. Sun to take it easy for a few days. I wouldn't want Atom to continue work on his sun-gun.

Oh, and people are just stupid. Stuuu-pid. But you knew that already.

Sunday, September 8
Okay, I whittled the discs down to 3 14-song comps. There's a rock disc, which is all faster or noisier stuff. There's the 'embittered love song' disc, which is the centerpiece of the post/pop-punk repetoire for any band. Then there's the reference disc, which is all songs that are all unusual/memorable songs that are my usual comp fodder. Now I just need to burn them and work on some art. Can you tell I get into this? Well, I'll have some copies made for people by the end of the week, Ahhh, didacticism. I'll expect you all to be able to pass a quiz the day after you get them.

Set lists:

Rock Disc
Boris the Sprinkler: I Wanna Get to Third Base With You
Sicko: Beam Me Up Denny, Wave Motion Gun
Weston: New Shirt/Heather Lewis, David Soul
Face to Face: I'm Not Afraid
That Dog: Gagged & Tied
Knapsack: Arrows to the Action
Jawbreaker: Down, Busy, Parabola
Hum: Comin' Home, The Scientists
Jets to Brazil: I Typed for Miles

Embittered Love Songs
Descendents: Hope, Coolidge
Weston: Little Mile '94
Hoarse: Diamond
Sunday's Best: The Hardest Part
Knapsack: Decorate the Spine
Sugar: The Act We Act
Hum: Why I Like the Robins
Jets to Brazil: Pale New Dawn, Cat Heaven
Jawbreaker: Do You Still Hate Me?, Jinx Removing (live)
Dismemberment Plan: 8 1/2 Minutes, Back & Forth

Cub: Go Fish, New York City
J Church: Cigarettes Kill, My Favorite Place
Gameface: Daylight Savings
That Dog: Did You Ever?
Buffalo Tom: Porchlight
Jawbreaker: Fireman, Bad Scene Everyone's Fault
Dismemberment Plan: The Ice of Boston, Face of the Earth
Promise Ring: Pink Chimneys, B is for Bethlehem
Cap n' Jazz: Take on Me

Saturday, September 7
Well, I was initiated into the IKEA cult today. I think that puts my total cult membership up to about seven or so. I didn't buy anything, though. My house is already full.
I did buy some stickers and a jelly roller pen at the Sanrio store. And I had a very very nice lunch. And I got teased, if you can believe that.

So now I'm tired, since driving on hot sunny days all day only to be surrounded by crappy FIB drivers wears me out. With any luck I'll get to drive to Schaumburg again on Friday.

Packer game tomorrow (yay!).

And Mother and Velveteen liked my Dismemberment Plan albums (tee hee!).

Plinko over and out.

Friday, September 6
I'm on lesbian-dog duty today and tomorrow. The Amerikan futbol season gets truly underway Sunday at noon.

Everyone's all up in arms over the whole Greece banning video games thing. Like we didn't already know they were a bunch of wackos. I mean, you've seen the SNL skits right? Screw em, I say, we already got the secret of gyros from them and Invisible Pete is ours, what else do we want? Besides, maybe seeing how wacko those socialist Eurotrash types can be will make all those commie liberals scumbags understand how great the land of the free and home of the brave is!

Now that I've set myself up for plenty of hate mail. . .

I'm going to go eat at the worst restaurant in Oshkosh for someone's going away lunch. Yeah yeah, try to whip out the Delta on me. Go for it. If you think a diner catering to old folks should be classed lower than a place that microwaves the meat in its dishes, you have a problem. Sadly enough, I'm very hungry right now. What's a boy to do?

Wednesday, September 4
So I spend a lot of time in front of my computer, like 8 to 16 hours. Maybe someday when I work outside my home that number will fall. Until then don't be suprised if I post four or five times a day, since whenever the mood strikes me the tools are right there in front of me to post and post.

That said, I was going to try to refrain from posting today, so people wouldn't get lost behind the cavalacade of Plinko-ish wisdom. But a few events made it all-but necessary for me to keep up the pretentiousness. After all, what's speaks more to that sense of taking oneself too seriously than feeling as if you must share things with the entire Internet/your group of blogging friends?
Anyway, while I'm very (almost creepily) good at the self-analysis, I find it works better not to let it horn in on how things get done around here. So, away we go, ego and all.

I figured my age comments would find me a drinking partner or two, without me having to worry about waking up anyone who wanted sleep at 10:30 pm more than they wanted to hear from me. And I was right. Go me. Or, rather, go Mr & Mrs. Jones.

The reason I felt the big urge to post, though comes from our friends at the New York Times, who had an article on a writers stint at the foodie wet-dream restaurant (registration required, fuck-os). Of course, I mean the French Laundry, which is number-one on my to-do list as soon as the publishing millions begin rolling in. I believe that this place is what inspired the coining of the term 'food boner.' I'll ask the coiner and see if I'm right about that.

In other news, I've whittled the music down to three discs, which is where I think it will stay. I'll be making them sometime this weekend with particular people in mind for each. If you want more than one of them, you can let me know after I make their contents public later on in the week. After much ado, the third issue finally got into our hands this morning, just in time for another installment of the Business After Hours. This is the one where people get all drunkey, so I may be a little crooked when I make it to the P. Just a warning.

Tuesday, September 3
I want oh-so-desperately to head to the bar, buy a pack of cigarettes and kill my brain cells for a while. But since all my friends are old I guess I shall have to wait until tomorrow to do so.
Girls, girls, girls. . .

I think we need to keep a running list of potential band names. BlogEatBlog sounds like a chart-topper to me, we'll add that to the Brass Tacks as well. Any more suggestions?


Ooooh! I have an idea, how about the upstairs neighbors turn up the volume on the television a little louder so I could just listen to all the dialogue from the movie they're watching instead of only getting to hear my ceiling rumble with the explosions and loud musical crescendos. That would really make my fucking day. Actually what would really make it special would be if they had it blaring all goddamn day.

Oh wait, they've already done that.

Ooooooh I've been waitin' for 'dis.

And supposedly the third issue was finished Friday at the printers, but Ruprecht the Monkey Boy (read: me) didn't check the messages. Sigh. I'll probably be picking them up sometime later today. Watch your mailboxes at work, or possibly, ask me to see it at P's on Wednesday, where I promise to neither throw up nor bring people who throw up with me.

I understand that I foolishly suggested that I'd make comp cd's for people. Now you've all seen High Fidelity, right? Yeah, it's like that. I'm already cutting down my mental list to a simple five-disc series that would take hours of careful planning and layout. More than likely I'll make a few different ones, from which you can pick depending on your taste in music.
Maybe I'll interrogate DerK (whose been starring in all my blog posts lately, I need to knock that off before Atom pounds on me) on how she liked the one I made for her so I keep learning. She's also been known to compile music by bizarre criteria for people, like food or sunshine or something.

Do I take this too seriously?
You bet your ass I do, and it's so much tougher since audiogalaxy told all us all to fuck ourselves, but I shall overcome.

Oh, and thanks to people who took some books off my hands. As much as it pains me to have my book collection diminished, it needed to be done.

And people from Canada can stop coming here looking for 'dogs screwing women pictures', because there just ain't any here.
Fucking Asshats.

Monday, September 2
Man, nothing like getting your posts eaten to ruin your day! Let's see what I all remember. . .

I will stay off the music soapbox for a while, I promise. It just, you know, occurred to me.
I am going to toot my own horn because I upgraded my parents asstacular Internet connection to Uberweb status. Then I bitched about them letting my cat continue to expand. She's been upgraded from slightly obese to so-fucking-fat-she-has-problems-grooming-herself fat. Now, I've seen a lot of cats that packed on a lot more weight than Neko, but still . . .
It also occurs to me that no one, maybe not even DerK, has seen my dear (not-so) little kitty. While she (the cat, jeez!) is a bit tubby, I still adore her. I'll have to dig some pictures out sometime for the posting.
So, here I am doing laundry at the parents' and putzing around on the Uberweb. Blah. I bought socks that are nearly swoon-worthy (okay, not really but they're kinda cute) at the Target. I also took four large boxes of books (and some small miscellaneous category items) and put them in the trunk. I plan on letting people rummage through them and borrow/take (depends on what the item is) whatever they want before it starts taking up space in my apart-a-ment.
Oh, and since I can never leave well enough alone, a girl who owns all of Sugar's albums? Careful, dearie, or you'll end up on that list. Right under Bob Mould, of course.

Mmmmkay. That ends the post that should have been at about 2:00 this p.m. Since then, I mostly ate and made with the socializing. And there was lightning. And some of me hitting people, but that was all an accident, I swear. So all the storm sewers are all backed up and driving home from the Jones' was like waterskiing, only in my car. Oh well, it's back to work tomorrow. And then we'll finally finish Dune.


Sunday, September 1
Well, I wouldn't call it a productive day, but I got some books and cds and the most-fr00ty shirt ever. Not only that, but I got away from the PC for a day, which is always good for me. So our thrifty trip to Madison was a winner. Mostly because I found two Bloom County books that I've always wanted. I also picked up the Jawbreaker rarities album, Etc. and the Promise Ring's new release, Wood & Water, which is totally emo and not poppy at all, which is good but surprised me, considering that Very Emergency was the total opposite.
As I was subbing for Mr. Jones last night, Mrs. Jones and I spoke a bit about music. I noted that there isn't anybody in the group who even remotely shares my taste in music , the ubiquitous TMBG notwithstanding, that I know of. Der K is probably the closest in the group and I don't think we own more than a few albums in common.
Anyway, I'm making my plea now for all y'all to expand your horizons and try out the bands in the music section of my little menu, if you get the chance. I'm sure you all know how to use the Uberweb for all your nefarious needs. That and I miss making CD comps for people anyway. So it's not like I'm asking you all to spend money on shady ventures. You can buy stuff if you're so inclined later. Or you could get mad at me and win Mr. Jones' "Be the First Bad Guy to Grab Plinko in the Crotch" contest. Personally, I prefer the former. Unless you're cute, then you can go for the big-money prizes I'm sure Mr. Jones has planned.
So, if you want to appease my desire to foist my punk/emo standards on all y'all give the bands in the list at your left a little consideration. I didn't put them there to be pretentious, you know? I also happen to have an affection for Hum, Soul Coughing and Sugar, all of whom are now long-defunct, as are most of the bands on my (but not that) list. So don't be afraid to try new things, for a change.

I should have other rants for you. But I need to do some laundry and wash my car, which needs a name. I'm taking suggestions for the purposes of ignoring them.
I'm also angling for the P-Ring/Jimmy Eat World show at the Rave on Sept. 24. I know Sara Ann loves the Jimmy Eat World, so I guess I can count on one person to maybe go with me there, maybe some of you will want to come along?

Oh, and as an addendum, Atom, you do not qualify as 'cute.' So please refrain from believing you have been invited to reach for the moneybag.
I see you looking.