Why Plinko hates you.

the life and times of one jaded motherfucker.

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Uncle Phil

:.News of the World.:
Washington Post
NY Times
Howard Kurtz
Leonard Pitts
The Onion

:.On Wisconsin.:
Milwaukee J-S
Wheeler Report
Gannett Wisconsin

Penny Arcade


:.Current Book.:
Woman In the Dark - Dashiell Hammett

:.Last 6 Books.:
The Catcher In the Rye - JD Salinger
Grendel - John Gardner
Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha - Roddy Doyle
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Theft - Peter Carey
Saturday - Ian McEwan

:. Bands .:
Dismemberment Plan
Jets to Brazil
Promise Ring

Mark Helprin
Kazuo Ishiguro
Wilkie Collins
William Faulkner
Philip K. Dick
Dashiell Hammett

The Lord of the Rings
J.R.R. Tolkien
Frank Herbert
Dan Simmons
The Dark Tower
Stephen King

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Thursday, November 29
I've been a veritable whore for writing stuff lately. Admittedly, most of it has been forum posting, but even that is symptomatic of my chattiness. I attribute it to the fact that I have somehow been roped into writing for the newspaper as well. Now, don't get me wrong, I want to write for the paper. I'm practically giddy about it, as a matter of fact. The downside is, I've just volunteered several extra hours of my time every week, plus I have to have my picture in the paper alongside it as well. That might not be so bad in and of itself, but I've more or less been handed the title of 'geek writer' for the paper, so every female in town (who reads the paper- which is to say every female over the age of 60, so I don't know what I'm complaining about) will see me and say to themselves 'there's the guy that writes about video games and why everyone should go to see the Lord of the Rings.'
Somehow I feel that I am going to remain single for the foreseeable future.

In other news, TBCS 15 is this weekend. Since I haven't had the luxury of home internet access for almost six weeks now, I'm sorta anxious to get out there and play games against other people. Now, the truly bright among you will say to yourselves, 'that Plinko fellow might be cynical and jaded, but he sure seems to willingly ignore the irony of complaining about his assignments at work hindering his romantic prospects immediately before he proclaims his desire to spend a weekend in a hangar with 79 other guys playing computer games.'

Then I'd punch you in the throat.

Arrogant smart bastards.

Monday, November 26
I came into some extra money this week, the security deposit from my last apartment that I had more or less given up on getting much of. In reality, I got almost all of it, so now I have $450 burning a hole in my pocket. Despite all the neat things I could do with that, I probably ought to save it for a down payment on a car, since the current Plinko-mobile is ready to explode in a ball of flames at any moment. The other, reponsible option would be to buy a washer/dryer for my apartment so I wouldn'y have to go to the parents' house every time I need to do laundry. The irresponsible thing would be to buy a GameCube or a PlayStation2, which I am doing my best to avoid.

I took Ben's dogs, Max and Luna for a walk tonight. it was a little chilly and it was kinda rainy, too. I managed to scrape a knuckle on one of the leash handles and bled like a stuck pig for the last ten minutes or so. Now the dumb dogs seem a little worn out, and I am, too. Now that that's over with I'm totally ready to go to bed, five hours early.

Sunday, November 25
I'm an old testament kind of guy. I like my coffee black and my parole denied.

There is a small number of bands that have crossed a certain threshold with me. Once that happens, I usually go through a period where I listen to that band far more than any other one. I can count those bands more or less on one hand: They Might Be Giants, Buffalo Tom, Jawbreaker, Hum and Soul Coughing. This week a sixth band crossed into the pantheon, the Dismemberment Plan. I bought their fourth album (Change) the other day and now I've been listening to all their albums all the time. I just thought I'd let you know that. If you're real ambitious you might try getting some mp3s and buying - oh - all their albums because they're, like, good.

So, I should probably change the title of my blog to 'why Plinko hates himself' for real, because I fucked up royally this morning. I called the SWEF because we were supposed to do something today. She was surprised to hear from me because she'd been trying to call me all day because she wanted me to come over for lunch. She made chili and wanted to have a bottle of wine she'd bought. Ack. I'd been sitting at home all day and the phone hadn't rung. So, I talked to her for an hour-and-a-half or so and then investigated. Well, it turns out that the cordless handset wasn't working right and, the corded phone I normally use - the ringer was off but I hadn't noticed because before the cordless was working before, and I had managed to fuck up the setup of my new answering machine. My triple-fail safe phone setup was, well, kerfuckelt.

So, now I'm pissy. Sure, I made her promise to do something next weekend, because I took off for the crapshoot, but for fuck's sake! Big opportunity, wasted. I'm surprised I didn't break anything. Go, moron-boy.

I wrote my first column for the newspaper. I think it sucks, but I'm also not used to having to contain my meandering thoughts to a given length. I feel a strong urge to go back to the office and work on it some more, but I need to learn to relax about it.

Other than that, not much else is new. Fuck though!


Saturday, November 24
Letsee. Thanksgiving was okay. I worked, but getting paid double-time-and-a-half makes up for having to work on the holiday.

I'm getting very very cranky about my internet service not being hooked up yet. I finally called TDS up on my lunch hour yesterday and complained that it's been much longer than the promised three weeks since I signed up and I haven't heard diddly from them yet. Turns out their web site wasn't smart enough to forward my order over to the people that actually do anything. So I spent my whole lunch hour on the phone re-ordering and listening to the slobbering guy on from customer service apologize over and over and repeat himself for an hour. He promised to try to expedite my order, but i just know that it's going to be another three weeks, I just know it.

I openly wondered about becoming a mysoginist last night, but Em threatened to kick my ass if I did, so I decided not to.

Wednesday, November 21
Boy, do I not like work.

Well, I guess that's not much of a revelation, but it will have to do for now.

Once again I sit at the computer, unmoved by any events or individuals so annoying as to move me to write about it here. My life is as normal and unremarkable at the moment as it could be, which actually bothers me when I think about it. I do have a lot of major decisions on the horizon. The forensics season is coming up, as are the holidays and my birthday. Having said that, I'm halfway to another lengthy post.

Though I let it pass without fanfare on the actual day, Sunday was a year since Christine and I broke up, which is really only remarkable because I've been single the whole time, which bothers me a bit at times. I did think about it a lot on Saturday, mostly because I was in Madison for the first time since then that day. But after being inundated with memories at first, hanging around with Scott and Jana and Sean really took my mind off it and I had a great time, so the demon there is more or less conquered. I have no immediate plans to rectify the single aspect any time soon, as much as I might want to.
I can pin that mostly on my job and my foolish obsession with the SWEF I've written so much about. The problem with the former won't be rectified in the foreseeable future and the latter is one entirely of my own making. And for the third time in a few months, I've felt resolved that I will no longer care about her, only to have her say or do something to turn my feelings around.

I discussed her with my pal Jana on the way down, and did a good job of helping me get past that silly desire for her. I know that she (SWEF, not Jana - who rules) is one of those frustrating people who seem bent on being unhappy no matter what, and therefore constantly put themselves in lousy situations and will probably always do so. I'm just the cavalier type to try to make such a person happy, which is a foolish endeavor (see my ex- Hillary for such an episode in my past). I knew it, I have always known it abut her, but having it told to me by someone I know and trust helped a lot. That and a few other incidents that made me realize how stupid it was to hold out anything resembling hope for her.

So, I'm ready to move on when. . . last night I have to call her to get the phone number of one of my assistants and we get into another long conversation about our families and the holidays and various other gossip/personal chatter when she gets into a whole rant about her and dating and how she finds herself always going along with things that aren't good for her and running away from those that are. About how she doesn't date the kind of guys she actually wants. Which is all well and good and something I am prepared to hear and not foolishly let it make me think she's actually learned anything. But then, she starts telling me how's she's been thinking about whether or not she could date someone who wasn't 'religious' and then asking me a bunch of questions about how religious I am (she knows full well that I'm irreligious) and asking me all these serious questions about my theology and how maybe it doesn't really matter blah blah blah and yes I'm a fucking moron because I'm buying into it like a rube listening to the extended warranty pitch at Best Buy. It's like she has a handbook detailing what to do if I ever lose interest in her that she opens up and reads from every time I actually get over my feelings for her.

So, once again, my heart has defeated my brain. Despite what the romantics say, that's not good. I'll be lapping up her bitching and having her bail out on me all over again soon enough!

And people wonder why I hate myself! I'm a freaking masochist.

Before you get thinking I'm falling back into the sappy Plinko web site, don't worry, I'm sure I'll have plenty of my usual non-mushy crap to bitch about later this week.

Sunday, November 18
Now they call me Mr. Bitterness . . .

It was really nice to get to Madison yesterday. My car almost didn't make it, but everything turned out pretty well.

I must have walked six or seven miles while we were down there, and that's after playing two hours of football an hour before leaving. My legs are now very sore. The football game itself was fun, mostly because I scored almost every time I touched the ball, too bad it doesn't work that way with the ladies, eh?

So, what to talk about. . . I could bitch about my crapass car, I could rant about the near-zero visibility fog I drove through on the way back last night (at 2:30 am, even), I could complain about the way the Badgers lost yesterday, my parents' crappy DSL, the whiny losers we beat at DoD in the ETO league yesterday, the way people in Oshkosh drive in general, the fuckton of spelling errors in this morning's paper (hey - I was on vacation) or even having to go back to work tomorrow.

That said, I think I'll leave all that alone right now. I coudl even be positive and talk about what a nice time I had with Scott and Sean and Jana yesterday or the cool new jacket I bought, about wasitng those British whiny losers at DoD, or kicking ass at football or managing to fix my car myself. But I don't feel like going off at all right now, good or bad. Maybe it's just the volume of stuff I could talk about that makes me want to not talk about any of it. So there, you get an outline, but little detail.

I am really pissed about going back to work tomorrow, though.

Saturday, November 17
So there's me.

My vacation is almost over and it hardly seems like I was on vacation at all. I did a lot of running around, a lot of nothing, really. Stevens Point was fairly boring yesterday, I guess I should have expected that. I did get to meet a few kids that I expect to see go out for forensics, so it was valuable in that respect.

Today I'm going down to Madison with friends from work. I hope to have that be the highlight of my vacation. I haven't been down there since before Christine and I broke up, and that was a year ago. Odd for a place I used to drive to or from every other weekend for five years.

I can't think of much else to say. I spent a lot of time making a CD and working on book art to go with it, mostly to practice some photoshop skillz and scratch a creative itch.

I've decided that girls are just evil and pointless, or that my job is making me even more jaded than ever. One of those two things.

Thursday, November 15
I think my middle name ought to be 'boring.'

Same to you.

Tuesday, November 13
So. We meet again.

Well, today I woke up at the ungodly hour of 0700. Yeah, that's extremely early for yours truly. It was easier than it should have been, the three-year-old upstairs has been training me to get up earlier pretty well.

I am considering getting up at 0600 tomorrow, but I don't want to try to skirt death like that.

So far, my vacation has at least been relaxing, if boring. The only stress has come from dealing with Amerisuck and their complete incompetence concerning the process of turning one's phone service on. I hope to have that out of the way tomorrow morning. Apparently, the technician who came to my yard to turn the thing on neglected to test the line. So, someone is supposed to come fix that in the morning. Needless to say I was not pleased by that. My parents did loan me their cell phone for the day, so now I can make calls if I feel the need to.

Today I took seven of my students to Carl Traeger Middle School for their forensics presentation. I was impressed by how well they did, being as they were, seven months removed from their last competition. Some of them were even better than they had been at the end of last season, doing it totally cold. Now, if only they showed one or more iota of respect for me, we'd be golden for the upcoming season.

There isn't much else going on.

I have an incredible urge to eat sushi. I'm gonna try to do that tomorrow.

Saturday, November 10
My vacation starts in about forty-five minutes, and I'm getting awfully antsy.

So, I went out and droppd a cool $210 for Sunday's fun, so everyone better have a good fucking time, you hear me?

I had a nice idea yesterday, just after I finished my last rant, so I decided to save it for today.

The idea struck me that once a year, we should have a special day where we get to spend the whole 24 hours free of bullshit. Or, at least one where we get to wreak painful torture on people who lie, cheat, exagerrate or otherwise try to feed people lines of bullshit every time they open their yaps. For one, glorious day we would be free of bosses who tell you they'll pay you what you're worth or that they'll find someone to fill the open positions at your workplace; no more co-workers who talk about how hard they work when they really spent the whole day whacking off in their cubicle; no politicians who told us that they weren't giving to you in the ass while sucking corporate dick for campaign contributions. Better still would be the violators of the rule against spouting bullshit. Those people would anally violated with broomsticks. As a matter of fact, I think maybe I should just start doing that every day, anyway.

So, with a little of that out of my system, I'm ready to go home and cook and clean so a bunch of ingrates can come over and spend the day getting drunk at my new apartment and throwing up all over my furniture. Sounds like a fucking treat.

Friday, November 9
I love it when I say I don't have much to say and then I post one of my longest messages, EVAR. Don't you?

I'd really like to get going on a rant of some kind here, but I don't really have too much to say. Most of my mental energy is being funneled off toward planning my get-together Sunday and on my vacation which also begins that day.

For a while I was hoping to connive Barren into taking vacation the same week and going to Toronto for a few days, but the money gods do not favor me at the moment, so I will have to make do with Oshkosh, Stevens Point and maybe Madison during my time off. My current vacation plans: Sunday: Party. Tuesday: forensics presentation at Carl Traeger. Thursday: watch West's one-act play. Friday: Go to Stevens Point for WHSFA State One-Act Play Festival. Saturday (tentative): Go to Madison with Dave R/Tara/whomever to hang out/shop maybe meet some friends from work who are going to the Michigan game.

You know, I wonder, exactly when really start to earn my reputation for being jaded? I don't think I was always thought of as cynical and cranky. It must have been at some point during college because I don't think anyone would have thought of me that way back in high school. But now, it's like my calling card. People actually dismiss things I say because I'm so cynical, there's a joke at work that I'm making my co-workers even more jaded and they're journalists for chrissakes. Whenever it started there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever, that you are a fucking idiot. So, I guess my repuation in certainly deserved.

Right along those lines, I also like to wonder, exactly why is it that the only girls I really go for are fairly selfish and maybe even downright mean. Now, that doesn't mean that they don't have plenty of other good qualities, but if you look through my dating/wanting/liking/drooling history, you will have a veritable hall of fame of for bitches. All the way back to frickin sophomore year of high school. I have dated two girls, ever, that I woudn't have described as bitches, and they lasted perhaps a combined three weeks. Am I a masochist? Some might say so, but you may notice that I'm writing this right after wondering about my own jaded reputation. Before we get into chicken-or-the-egg stuff here, I'll tell you they go hand-in-hand.

The fact is, I hate damn near everything, and maybe, just maybe, I like girls who don't like things, either. Nothing turns me off faster than some ditz who is too afraid people won't like her if she disagrees with anything or anyone. Face it, you know plenty of girls, even if most of us are dateless losers, and you know it's true. Girls are mostly taught to be dumb, maybe not explicitly so, but it's ingrained in them from a young age. Even in a modern society with equal opportunities and equal rights, women have learned to play dumb so well for so long that most of them are dumb. Well, I guess most people are dumb, anyway, but I bet the percentage is higher by choice for women than for men, or something. Okay, the wheels are coming off this post really quick so I'll get at what I really want to say here.

A good friend of mine has consistently asked me what I would do if the SWEF that has been the subject of many posts lately actually read my page. Now, usually when people say something like that, it's because the 'what if' has actually occurred. Now, I wouldn't expect that kind of underhanded subtelty from Dave, so I'll treat it purely as a hypothetical (though more likely than you might think) situation.

The fact is, SWEF is a bitch. But I'm not giving her a fair shake in these posts because this is an entertainment site, not an ode to anyone or anything (except possibly myself, which is an entertaining thought in and of itself — don't you think?) so I'm not going to make it one. However, there is a chance that SWEF will be at my place Sunday, when most of the readers here are, too, so I'll say this for your benefit: SWEF is also intelligent and fun to talk to, very good-looking, and has good taste in things that matter to me, like books and movies and wines and whatnot. She doesn't watch much TV and she complains more than I do, both of which are gold as far as I'm concerned. Personally, I think a jaded motherfucker like me needs someone who will complain with him more than some slack-jawed ditz who'll just nod her head at me. And that's about as touchy-feely as you muppetfuckers are going to get out of me.

In the realm of more typically Plinko news: I called Amerisuck up and asked to get a phone line at my apartment. Of course, what I didn't say was that I've already put in a request for TDS Metrocom to take over my service ASAP. What I did say was 'no I'm not interested in your DSL service' about fifty fucking times.

That, and I know Moon and Abraxis already posted about this, and I even gave it a few tries, but Tyco's post from Penny Arcade today almost made my wet my pants with laughter so I'm posting it here for you to enjoy.

If you're like me, you fucking hate monkeys. Hate 'em. Well, it's one thing to espouse a sort of all-purpose antipathy - that is the domain of the armchair, part-time nihilist. It is another thing altogether to be gripped by conviction in such a way that you strike a monkey so hard that he launches as if from a cannon, at speeds well over one hundred miles per hour. If you want to be half-ass about the monkey thing, that's fine. For the rest of us, there's this.

Monday, November 5
So, I can't stay at my apartment tonight because it has a natural gas leak, so if I sleep there again I'd probably die. I woke up incredibly sick this morning, and I couldn't figure out why, but when I got back from my parents' house I could tell that there was a lot of gas in the air.

I probably should have just called public service, and I still might tonight. I left a message for my landlord, who hasn't provided a telephone number for me to reach him at outside of office hours.

In other news, the Packer game was a lot of fun and I'm getting hungry again. I can't think of much else. I probably would go into a rant about gurlz or Civilization III or something but I hate typing on Barren's keyboard. Maybe I'll post again from my parents' home later tonight before I go to bed.

Otherwise, you'll have to live with this.

Saturday, November 3
I'm thinking of making up one of my own little 'tests' much like the ones that seem so popular on the intar web of late. Mine would be called the moron test, and it would tell you how much of a fucking moron you are. I'll work on the questions later, but for now, you can be sure of the result should said test ever be taken.

Anyway. I played football today again, it was fun. I played pretty well for a change, instead of just running around for two hours not getting the ball thrown my way. I even made a couple of almost-tackles.

I just found out that I am going to the Packer game tomorrow, which means no partying tonight for me, since I have to get up early. You know, security measures and whatnot.

I also started handing out invitations to my shindig. I haven't seen many people lately, thanks to work and all, but I'm working on it. You may aslo have noticed that my comic is working again. In fact, you might never have noticed that it was missing at all. But, by some miracle, my web page is still there. It must have just been busy the last time I posted.

Well, anyway. I'm excited about the whole Packer game thing, though if they lose I will be pissed off all day.

I also may get a call from the previously mentioned woman from the dark side to do something Sunday. This is the same evil beast that ditches me all the time, so I'm not planning on hoping very hard. I did have to go see her the other day and I wasn't exaggerating: she's hott. It actually makes my IQ go down about 30 points when I'm around her. Now, I guess I should clarify that a bit, I'm sure many of you (especially the non-lesbian females and the gay males that read this — assuming there are any) would disagree with me about any hott factors involved here. I can come up with two very simple explanations for that. One: I have somewhat odd taste. The SWEF (single white evil female) in question is short and brown-eyed (my thing) but she's not really a waif, which is definitely my usual thing. That leads me to Two: Selfishness attracts me like nothing else. I don't know what disease of the soul I have, but I want to know, in the hope that I might someday wrench control of my soul from it. Of course, that could kill me.

I also noticed that the magickal blogger spell check doesn't flag one of more common typos, 'juts'. I don't know what the heck it thinks 'juts' is, but I can't fathom it as a correctly-spelled word. So, some of you may well have your hobby back.
Oh, Civ III is pretty cool, but's it's much harder than I expected.
After using the spell check again, I find it funny that it doesn't recognize 'blog' or 'blogger.'

Friday, November 2
Ack. It's 12:30 and I'm still at work. I wish the words 'overtime pay' meant something around here.

Well, I just finished my first Sunday Lifestyle section. It was not cool. Not cool at all. I also juts registered for TBCS 15, which is cool, if tardy. I also managed to print the previously-mentioned invites up, which actually is an accomplishment, since a corrupt floppy kept me from doing it last night. I was going to upload a .jpg version to the Uberweb and send it out via e-mail to a few people, but my web space from Time Warner is gone. I had hoped that Beefy would have kept the same account and thus my page would remain in place, alas, it is not so, and my images and blog archive are temporarily unavailable until I find a new, suitable home for them.

In other news, I bought Civilization III, which I hope will satisfy my need for single-player gaming whilst I sit internet-free at my quaint little apartment. Is that an odd thing, to read about my lack of internet, on the internet? I wonder. . .

On further thought, it's probably just lame.

Oooh!! I bet you're excited to know that the blogger spell check is back. That may well cut down on the amount of times you can check my blogs for revisions due to typos.
Yes, Moon, you'll need to find another hobby.

Thursday, November 1
Well, I'm sitting at work, long after I should have left, abusing my internet priveleges just so that I can be among the first to register for TBCS 15. 15!! it's almost like a special number or something.

Anway. I'm fully moved into my new apartment. It's pretty schweet. I like living alone, except when the time comes to pay the bills. I am having a party Nov. 11. Reserve that day on your calendars right now, it's a Sunday. It's in the afternoon, and the invitations are made, I need to print them before I leave work tonight. If you don't get an invite from me soon, send me an e-mail. I'll attempt to rectify the situation. It will be tough as I currently have no phone or internet service, except at work.

So, I see lots of interesting things on other people's blogs. It's about time I addressed them myself.

First of all, Steve, don't force me into a competition about who's more depressing. I will end you.
Seriously, though, remember that I went through shitty jobs for two years after college before getting the job I have now, which really isn't even all that great a job.
Now, people seem to be very excited about their geek and gay etc. numbers. Firstly, I am 31% geek, and I don't even know a single programming language, so what's that say? I also am 49% homosexual (gay test), a girl (gender test), and I am C3PO if you're testing for star wars character OR robots. So that must mean something. . .

Confidential to Barren: I like Taco John's but admit it, you have the worst sense of good food, don't you?